


My Big Brother

by my_frerard__romance



Series: My Big Brother [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Autism, Autistic, Brain Damage, Brain Surgery, Cerebral Palsy, Child Abuse, Disability, M/M, disabled, mental disability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:33:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 28,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28151691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_frerard__romance/pseuds/my_frerard__romance
Summary: My brother is...different. Its hard to explain what exactly is wrong with him, but i love him no matter what.
Relationships: Bob Bryar/Mikey Way, Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Ray Toro/Mikey Way
Series: My Big Brother [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2062353
Comments: 33
Kudos: 27





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> hi yall. its my_frerard__romance and _gerardieroway_ from wattpad <3

I started my day by checking on my older brother. He was fast asleep in his bed. I started writing down his routine on the whiteboard on his closet door.

6am, wake up, change clothes, breakfast, pills, brush teeth

7am, walk in the park

It was nearly 6am, so i decided to wake him up after laying out a fresh change of clothes and a clean diaper. I gently stroked his cheek, watching his green eyes slowly open. I smiled at him while i brushed my fingers through his raven black hair.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead! You feeling good today?" I said.

I waited a moment before sitting him up and carrying him into his wheelchair. He sat down while i took his Batman pyjama shirt off and put a Green Day shirt on him. I lay him back down on the floor while i pulled his black pyjama pants off. I took his damp diaper off and threw it in the trash. I put a fresh one on him and pulled up a pair of sweatpants.

"What kind of day are we having? Can you walk with your frame?"

I grabbed his silver walking frame which i painted and decorated with band stickers and put a soft foam where he can hold onto. I lifted him up and guided his hands towards the foam handles. I allowed him to push himself up, but he couldn't do it. He fell down and hit his head on the frame. He immediately started screaming and crying.

I pulled him into my arms and shushed him by patting his back.

"Shh, i'm sorry Gee, i'm sorry. Listen to Mikey, listen to my voice, okay? Does it hurt?"

He mumbled a little. I tipped his chin up and checked his forehead, there was a red mark on it. I rubbed it a little, and kissed it softly.

"All better. We'll keep you in your wheelchair for today."

I placed Gerard down in his wheelchair and strapped him in; around his waist and his ankles.

"Lets go get some breakfast!"

We lived in a bungalow, since Gerard couldn't use the stairs in his chair and he cant walk up them on a good mobility day. I wheeled him into the living room and turned the TV on. Not much was on, so i just put Spongebob Squarepants for him to watch while i made his food.

I prepared two plates of pancakes and syrup, making sure Gerards were nice and soft for him to eat. I cut them up for him and took them into the living room. I always helped Gerard to eat before i ate my own.

"Open up Gee."

He opened his mouth slightly. I placed the fork with a peice of pancake into his mouth. He slowly chewed his food and swallowed it down. I patted his back so it didn't get stuck in his throat which would cause him to choke.

"Good boy. More?"

We repeated the same actions until the plate was empty, and by the time i finished feeding him, my pancakes had gone cold. That always happened, i'd usually eat my food cold, but i knew Gerard needed round the clock help and care so i didn't really mind. I ate my own food and took the plates into the kitchen. I left them in the sink to wash later and grabbed Gerards pill box and crusher. I crushed Mondays pills up and mixed them up into an apricot yoghurt.

I fed him the yoghurt and wiped the mix of maple syrup, yoghurt and drool off of his chin.

"Lets go brush our teeth, and then we can go for a nice walk."

I wheeled him to the bathroom and held his mouth open. I put a little bit of minty toothpaste onto the blue brush and began to brush his teeth. He couldn't reach the sink in his chair so i had to hold a trash can under his chin to catch any paste and water.

"All done, spit."

He spat the remaining toothpaste out.

"Mouthwash, don't swallow. You don't wanna get sick, do you? Hold it in your mouth for a minute and spit."

I poured a very small bit of mouthwash into a cup and tipped it into his mouth. He obeyed and only held it in for a minute, and spat it into the trash can.

"You're such a good boy!"

Gerard giggled which made me awe. I wheeled him out of the house and down the wheelchair ramp. Our home was specifically designed to aid to Gerards condition, it had a disabled shower where i could shower him in a chair, there was a wheelchair ramp outside of the house and a bathtub with an elevated seat so i could easily bathe him.

We said hi to the local neighbors, they were, for the most part, very friendly to Gerard. Except for one grumpy ass old man who once tripped Gerard up on purpose. I was attempting to teach Gerard how to walk without a frame, but the man held his foot out and Gerard fell straight onto his face. He busted his nose and bruised his left eye. I of course screamed at the man.

"Morning Gerard, Mikey!" One of the older women said, "Can i see Gerard for a moment?"

"Uh huh." I responded.

She knealed down in front of him and placed a soft candy into his hand.

"Shh, don't tell Mikey." She whispered, "I remember when you two and your mother moved here. I remember when both of you were little boys, and when Mikey was old enough, he was already so gentle with you. It was always sweet to watch Mikey pushing you down the street. Anyway, have a good day you two!"

"Say bye bye Gerard."

Gerard strained his wrist to wave goodbye. I continued to walk down the street with a firm grip on the handles of the wheelchair. I found a bench at the park and sat down so i could feed him some grapes.

They were cut up into little quarters so he wouldn't choke. I fed him 3 full grapes, which was all i brought, and helped him wash it down with some juice. 

"Mommy! Whats wrong with that man?" A little girl said, pointing at Gerard.

"Don't ask that, god, im so sorry!" Her mother said to me.

"Oh, its okay. He has cerebral palsy, which means his brain doesn't work like mine or yours do." I said to the little girl.

"Can he speak?"

"Sometimes, not a lot though."

"Do you love him?"

"Of course i love him. Hes my big brother."

"Oh...can i be his friend?"

"Sure! Gerard would like that, wouldnt you?" I turned to Gerard, who had a big grin on his face.

I continued to walk through the park, Gerard was falling asleep in his wheelchair. I took my hoodie off and made a makeshift pillow for him so his neck didn't get achy.

I often felt so bad for him. He should be able to walk, he should be able to speak and not be bound to a wheelchair. Life was just so unfair to him. I've been taking care of him since i was old enough to move out, but even before then, our parents hated Gerard. He 'cost a fortune' to look after, he would refuse to eat for them, so for a good 7 years, i had to look after him.

I moved into an apartment when i was 18, and left Gerard with my parents. Well, turns out they weren't giving him his medicine, he was too old to be put up for adoption and he wouldn't have a fighting chance being thrown out of the house, so i moved again.

I bought a bungalow once i managed to get a job, and i moved Gerard in with me. Thats how its been for over 13 years. I've been looking after him since i was 11, and i don't mind. I love him more than anything, and his health and his disability comes first.

But sometimes i get sad. Gerard does too. I get sad because of how i am. I'll give an example. When the house is completely silent, when Gerard is asleep either in his bed or in my arms on the sofa, it gives me a lot of time to really think about things.

The things i take for granted, like walking and talking, would be a dream come true for Gerard. I know that its weird, but i'd totally switch places with him, because Gerard has never done anything wrong. Ever. He's the sweetest dude ever.

It hurts to realise how privileged and how lucky i am compared to Gerard. I can walk, i can speak, i can eat without help, but he can't. I have to push him around in a wheelchair, i can never speak to him and get a response, and i have to spoon feed him.

Anyway, sorry for my rambling, its nice to be able to really think about how lucky i am.

I started to walk home with Gerard. He was getting sleepy, so i figured i'd put him down for a nap. I didn't change him into his pyjamas, since he was already asleep. I picked him up and lay him down on the sofa. I propped his head up with a pillow and covered him up with a soft, warm blanket.

I decided to start making our food. I put 3 slices of bread into the toaster and poured a can of beans into a bowl and placed it into the microwave. I'd finally get to eat something and it'd still be warm since he was sleeping.

I left his beans on toast on the counter and started to eat mine. He started shuffling and mumbling to himself. I quickly put my plate down and knealed in front of him.

"Hey, hey, whats wrong? You okay?"

He mumbled slightly and grabbed onto my hand, straining to curl his fingers around my hand, which was usually his way of responding to an "i love you".

"I love you too Gerard. You want some beans on toast?"

He shook his head no, and yawned slightly.

"Okay, youre sleepy. Well, i have something very exciting tomorrow! We're going to Disney World! So you're gonna have a quick bath and then we'll pack up all your stuff, then its bedtime. Are you excited?"

He giggled softly. I picked him up and carried him to the bathroom. I filled up the tub and stripped Gerard down. Oh how embarrassing and awkward it was to pick my naked brother up and sit him in the bath. I had to always remind myself that Gerard is different.

I lathered shampoo into Gerards silky black hair and rinsed it out while he giggled away to himself. I repeated the same actions with thw conditioner. I washed his body with a rag and lwt the water drain out.

I wrapped a white towel around him and carried him back to his bedroom. I sat him down on the floor and dried him off. I put a pair of warm socks on his feet and then a clean diaper, followed by his underwear, plaid pyjama pants and a Marvel shirt. He sat on the bed, leaning against the wall and watched me pack away his pill bottles and meds into a messenger bag. I left him for a minute to go root out a suitcase, to fill up with a weeks worth of clothes and diapers.

"K...mi...n-nehh..." He mumbled out.

"Sup Gee?"

He raised a shaky and strained hand and pointed at a black and white sweater lying over his walking frame. I nodded, he wanted me to pack it. It was my sweater originally, but now its his. He got cold once, so i let him wear it, but then he fell in love with it and takes it everywhere.

I packed it into his suitcase, along with a few band shirts and ripped jeans, 7 changes of underwear and socks, 2 bags of diapers and 2 sweaters. I finished packing up his bag and saw him collapsed on the bed.

"Gee?" I whispered.

He responded with a small grumble and a wave of his hand. Thank god he wasn't hurt. I put him under his duvet and kissed his forehead. I quietly put his eyeliner and other bits of make up into the same messenger bag as his meds.

I placed the messenger bag on his wheelchair and wheeled the suitcase into my bedroom. I quietly closed his bedroom door so he would have an undisturbed sleep for the long drive tomorrow. 

I packed myself a suitcase of my clothes and inhalers and read a book for around 15 minutes, before falling asleep, or as Gerard preferred, joining him in Dreamland. He was so sweet.


	2. 2.

We had to hit the road pretty early in the morning to check into our hotel room and get to the theme park. Gerard was fast asleep, it was 5am. I gently lifted him up and carried him out to the mini van. I strapped him into the passenger seat.

While he was sleeping in the van, i loaded our suitcases and bags into the back of yhe van. I hauled his incredibly heavy wheelchair into the van, along with his walking frame.

I locked up the house and climbed into the drivers seat. I kept quickly glancing over at the sleeping boy who was cuddling up to a pillow.

It was a long 3 hours before Gerard woke up. The first thing he did was reach for my hand, which was on the steering wheel. I took his hand in mine and stroked the back of it with my thumb.

"Morning sleepy head! You had a nice sleep?"

He made a soft grumble sound and released his grip on the soft, white pillow which had his name on. His stomach growled loudly, and a small whimper escaoed his lips.

"We'll make a quick pitstop so i can get gas and some breakfast for you. And you need your meds too."

I pulled up at the next gas station and panicked. There were steps leading up to the store, and i knew i couldn't leave him alone in the car.

I had to carry him with me. Ohhh the stares i got for carrying my disabled brother into a store. I grabbed a bottle of Pepsi, and almost dropped Gerard onto his head. He made a loud gasp and sob.

"Sorry Gee, i got you. You're good."

"Excuse me sir, do you need some help?" The store attendant said to me.

"Yes, sorry. You don't have a wheelchair ramp out there and he has cerebral palsy."

"No worries, my nephew has cerebral palsy, i know its so difficult to take care of people like your...son? Boyfriend?"

"My brother. Naw, hes not difficult at all, just a little heavy."

"You can just sit him down behind the counter while you shop, I'll watch over him."

"Oh god, thanks. Come on Gee, lets go."

I sat him down on the soft sofa chair behind the counter and promised I'd only be a few minutes.

I paid for my gas, a bottle of soda, a coffee for me and Gerard to share, a chocolate pudding for his meds and a bacon and cheese sandwich for his breakfast, i figured id just eat his scraps and a bag of chips. I didn't trust Gee with chips, he choked last time.

I carried him back to the van and drove to the car park, leaving our handicapped parking pass in the window. I got Gerards wheelchair out and sat him down in it. I took his pill organiser and the crusher out. I crushed up Tuesdays pills and poured tge powder into his pudding.

I spoonfed him the pudding, making sure that he ate every last bit. I fed him half of the sandwich beforehe started to spit it out.

"You're full up? Alrighty, time to hit the road again! How about some music?"

I carried his heavy body back into the passenger seat and safely put the wheelchair in the back of the van.

I put in a CD of the music Gerard usually dances to with me. Well, the music he likes me to spin him around with. The first song up was Feel Good Inc. DEFINITELY one of his favourites.

"S...sh-...uh.."

"Huh? Whats wrong?"

Wet diaper. No where to change it for miles.

"Oh Gerard." I grumbled which made him burst into tears, "No, nonono don't cry! I didn't mean to be rude! Can you bear with it for a couple more minutes?"

He cried and shrieked even louder. I had to change him, he was getting cranky.

"Please Gee! Theres no where to change you!"

He suddenly hit me in the face very hard, which made me swerve the steering wheel. I slammed on the brakes; it was a pretty deserted road so i could.

"Gerard! You naughty boy! You don't hit people, especially when they're driving! You better start behaving or i will turn this car around and you're going straight to bed!"

He looked at me with wide, heartbroken eyes. I instantly regretted shouting, but he had to learn that its not nice to hit people.

He began to whimper, before wailing as loud as he could. I think my problem was that i couldn't imagine how uncomfortable a wet diaper is. I grumbled and turned the engine off. I opened his car door and unbuckled him. I lay him on the back seat and pulled his pants off of him.

I was very rough and violent with him, I'll admit, but he was being such a huge pain in the ass. I pulled his underwear down and took his diaper off of him and tossed it into the bushes. I put a fresh one on and put his undies and pants back on him.

"No music now, you've been a bad boy."

He turned his head away from me and grumbled. He had a blank expression while he stared out of the window.

"Gee...c'mon buddy, you know i don't like to shout at you...I'm just a bit sleepy...you get cranky when you're sleepy, i'm sorry for shouting. Can you apolgise for hitting me?"

He turned his head back to me and smiled his lopsided smile. I took it as an apology. I searched in the dropdown and found a Disney CD. I knew every song off of it, so did Gerard.

"When you wish upon a star,  
Makes no difference who you are,  
Anything your heart desires will come to you." I sung.

Gerard looked glum and sad, i felt so bad for shouting at him. I grabbed his hand and continued singing.

"If your heart is in your dream,  
No request is too extreme,  
When you wish upon a star,  
As dreamers do."

"Fate is kind,  
She brings to those to love,  
Thesweet fufillment of,  
Their secret longing."

I thought this song was special for Gerard. It made me what his 'secret longing' was, but if i had any guess, it would to be normal. It was so secret for him...because he couldnt tell anyone...physically cannot tell anyone.

"Like a bolt out of the blue,  
Fate steps in and sees you through,  
When you wish upon a star,  
Your dreams come true."

I remember once, when I was 12, looking out into the dark abyss of the night with Gee sitting on my lap. We were watching the shooting stars. I had always used my 'wish', per se, on him. I wished that the doctors would cure him, that my big brother would finally speak to me.

I now know that was a load of made up stuff, right?

Well, if the genie of the lamp gave me 3 wishes, they'd be that my parents would actually acknowledge Gerard, a life time supply of pringles, and that my brother would wake up cured.


	3. 3.

Now, I've been telling you about the light side of taking care of him, the easy parts, if you will, however, Gerard is far from perfect. Sometimes he can be good and not spit whatever i feed him out, other times, he does.

Once, when i had finished crushing up his pills for him, i started to feed him the pudding and he spat it all over me. Thanks for that. I tried not to get angry. Gerard did have more problems than cerebral palsy, he was mildly autistic, he had anger management issues, if attention wasn't on him, he'd scream and he does NOT do well in big crowds.

He also has a tenancy to smack people if he doesn't get what he wants. If he wants pudding or candy, he will scream and shout until he gets it, and if he doesnt, he'll hit you.

I would get so angry at him when he hits me, he does do that pretty often, mostly when i say no to eating candy after brushing his teeth or eating in bed, but i have to remind myself; he doesn't understand. He cant really comprehend my words. Along with his wide array of mental challenges, he has some learning difficulties. He can barely understand me. I suppose thats why, when i tell him no, he will go ahead and do so anyway. But no matter how much he drives me insane and makes me want to rip my hair out, hes still disabled, hes still my brother, and i still love him.

You see, when i was 18, and he was 20, we still lived with mom and dad. They didn't really look after Gerard, at all. They only had me in hopes that I'd take care of him instead. It worked obviously. He would sometimes point at a mother or father with their children and start sobbing. I hated seeing him cry, i had to reassure him that mom and dad were on a trip, and couldn't take Gerard. It usually reduced his extreme wailing to nothing more than sobs and whimpers.

Another way i calm him down from a screaming fit would be cuddling him, nice and tight. He would NOT accept a hug if you don't help him to hug you back. If you dont pull his arms around your body, he will scream until you eiter do what he wanted or just back off.

Buuuut, despite that, mental challenges and severe brain damage comes with even more horrific and heartbreaking things, like seizures. He used to get them really often, but his medication was made stronger and he doesn't get them as much anymore.

When he has seizures, you have no idea how terrifying it is for me to watch. Now obviously i dont just sit back and watch him, i try to make him as comfortable as possible. I've had one seizure, which was because i was sick, they are not the most exciting of things, and i know how scary they are to have.

I know exactly what to do when he suffers a seizure. I have to sit with him until it passes and i can move him around again, i have to comfort him and let him know whats going on and that hes in safe hands, if hes sat up them i have to be gentle to lie him on his side and usually take my jacket off, fold it nicely and tuck it under his head.

What people forget is that trying to hold him down is NOT a good idea. Anyway, i hate it when he has a seizure, he scares the absolute shit out of me when he does. I dont like to see him suffer, to shake and dribble all over the floor. The most i can do is give him a reassurong squeeze on his pale hands and tell him that its going to be okay.

Either way, mentally challenged or not, i love him. My brother is the only thing that keeps me sane, though caring for him can be the main root for my panic disorder. I have anxiety, and my doctor told me its because of how much i have to be on a strict schedule with my brother, and how much I worry about him and his health. I take my meds though, and i can stay calm for him.

Back to the story. Gerard squealed with joy when i pointd out the sign for Disney World. Suppose we're both huge Disney fans.

"We're here Gee! Look! Theres the castle!"

He had a big, wide grin on his face, his huge green eyes filled with happiness and excitement. I pulled up into the car park of the Disney hotel we were staying in.

I pulled his wheelchair out of the back of the van and settled Gerard down into it. I wheeled him into the hotel to get our key.

"Hi, we have a disability safe...i think it was a Toy Story room? For Michael Way." I said to the receptionist.

"Michael, Michael, Way," The woman said, reading the log book, "Michael and Gerard Way?"

"Yup, thats it."

"Alrighty, follow me. Theres an elavator key on the key to yur hotel room too. Your room has a lot of adaptations for this little one," She smiled, putting a pair of Mickey Mouse ears on Gerards head.

"Cool."

She led us to a Toy Story themed bedroom. It had a double bed for me and a twin sized bx right next to it so i could keep a close eye on Gerard.

"If you want, i can watch over him while you bring your suitcases up." The woman continued.

"Oh, yes please."

I left Gerard in his wheelchair in the small family room of the hotel room. I wheeled our suitcases up to the room and left them on the bed. I'd unpack later.

So we began our day with churros. I assisted Gerard to eat his churro first, before i ate mine.

"Look! Whos that over there!" I pointed at a Mickey Mouse mascot who waved back at Gerard.

Mascots creep the fuck out of me. I wheeled him over to the mascot and asked if he wanted a picture with the big ass Mickey Mouse. He nodded. I put the brakes on the wheelchair and stepped back to take a photo of them.

Gerard had a big goofy smile on his face.

"Say bye bye, Gee." I said to him.

I raised up his hand and waved at the mascot for him. We continued with our day by walking over to the Maine Street. We watched the street preformers singing. I held up Gerards arms and made him dance.

He was having a grand old time watching the preformers and munching away on his churro, until he started choking. I immediately pushed him out of the crowd and to a quieter area. I unstrapped him from his chair and i sat down on it. I lay him on his stomach on my lap and patted his back while he choked.

"Come on Gee, its alright."

One more hit against his back made him spit the peice he ws choking on out.

"Good boy! Have a drink."

I switched places with him and strapped him back in. J grabbed a water bottle from the pouch on the back of his wheelchair and tipped his head back while he slowly drank from it.

I noticed a little girl at the corner of my eye, poking Gerards leg repeatedly.

"Excuse me, could you not do that?" I asked.

"Why?" She responded.

"He doesn't like being poked and prodded at."

She walked away. Ugggghhh. Little kids dont understand his condition at all. My phone started to buzz in my pocket. I quickly opened it to see that my mom was texting.

Mom: How are you? Have you decided what you're doing about him?

No mom, and 'he/him' has a name

Mom: That he never responds to

He cant respond. He cannot talk jesus how many times do I have to remind you? And hes great thanks for asking

Mom: Did you leave him in that asylum i sent you a link to?

No, why would i just dump him there? Thats not fair, he is still HUMAN, he still has EMOTIONS. Just stop texting, i took him on vacation to get out of the house. Maybe I'd actually talk to you if you wasnt an ass to Gerard

I took him over to the Its a Small World ride. We queued up for about 10 minutes before it was our turn. We left the wheelchair at the station and lifted Gerard into the boat.

I had my arm around him the whole time, his head resting on my shoulder. He was holding into me nice and tightly. It was a nice, calm ride and we both enjoyed it.

When the ride came to a halt back at the station, i was first to get off the boat with Gerard wrapping hus arms around my neck and his legs around my waist. I sat him back on the wheelchair and strapped him back up.

We had a pretty good day, actually. I took him to a Disney store and bought him a new pair of Mickey Mouse ears. He fell asleep not long after, so i took him back to the hotel. I let him nap in my bed for now.

I finished unpacking all of our clothes and put hus meds on the kitchen counter. I sat on the edge of the double bed and held onto his hand while he snored quietly to himself.

I guessed he'd be waking up soon so i got to work on our food. I made us hamburgers with a side of fries.

"Wakey wakey snoozey butt!" I said, "I made you a burger and fries, sit up and you can eat in bed, I'll give you a bath and then we'll watch a movie before sleepy time."

He ate half of the burger and all of the fries on his plate before i got to eat my own food. I carried him off to the bathroom and stripped him off. I scrubbed his body with a sponge and sweet smelling, cinnamon soap. I washed his hair with shampoo and conditioner before rinsing it out. I drained the water out and grabbed a warm towel i left on the foot of my bed. I draped it over his shoulders while I grabbed his pyjamas, socks and whatnot.

I changed him into a fresh change of pyjamas and underwear, along with his humiliating diapers. We settled down in my bed and watched Aladdin. He was all cozied up next to me, his arms hugging around my neck and his head on my chest. I knew he needed his meds and to brush his teeth, so i carried him into the kitchen to crush his pills and mix them into his pudding. I took him back into my bed and fed him the pudding. It wasn't long before he fell asleep in my arms. I didn't want to disturb him, so i let him shuffle down into the other sife of the bed.

I turned the movie off and read my book for a while. Gerard remained sound asleep next to me. I turned the bed lamp off and joined him. I fell asleep with him in my embrace.


	4. 4.

Surprisingly, Gerard woke up before me. He mumbled a little, and started poking at my face, muttering each time he poked me. I woke up when he poked me in the eye.

"Morning sleepy butt." I mumbled, tiredness still in mg voice.

"M-M...uhh..."

"Shhh, you don't need to try speaking yet. I ordered breakfast for our room, lets get you dressed. Its pretty chilly today."

I searched through his clothes and found his favourite sweater and sweatpants. I threw his dirty pyjamas into the open suitcase and started to change him into his clean clothes. Not long after, there was a knock on the hotel door. I answered with Gee clinging to my waist while he tried to stand up on his own. I took our breakfast burritos into the room and helped Gerard to walk.

"Good boy, hold my hands." I said, reaching for his hands, "Push your foot up and try step towards me."

He did it. He took a step closer to me. I surpressed my excitement to see if he'll do it again. He did. He walked the rest of the way to me, but obviously kept a tight grip on my hands. He fell into my chest, and thats when i squealed with joy for him.

"You did it! You actually did it Gerard! You're so amazing! God, im so proud of you! We'll pick out a nice gift from the gift shop, you earned it. Can you try one more time for me?"

He bit onto his tongue while he grasped the side of the sofa to push himself back onto his feet. I helped him to stand up. While he did so, i played a David Bowie CD on the player on the table.

"Try without my help now."

He did. He held onto the sofa with one hand and walked very slowly and very shakily towards me. I clapped and cheered for him when he started to walk to me.

"Look at you, you're doing so good! Wait until your doctor hears about this!"

I sat him down on the sofa and fed him his burrito. I did his normal routine of breakfast, meds, brush his teeth and decide whether its a good mobility day or not. It was definitely good today.

Ground control to Major Tom  
Ground control to Major Tom  
Take your protien pills and put your helmet on

I helped him with his walking frame to keep his trembling legs upright. I allowed him to practice walking up and down the sitting room on his own while i called his doctor.

"Doctor Urie speaking."

"Hi, uhm, its Mikey, Gerard Ways brother."

"Ah, hello Mikey. Whats the problem?"

"Theres no problem actually. Gerard just managed to walk to me without any help, at all."

"He did? Thats great news! Let me say hello to him."

I walked into the sitting room and held the phone in front of Gerards face.

"Hi Gerard! Its Doctor Urie! I just heard that you're doing really well with your walking, am i right to believe that you walked to your brother all on your own?"

Gerard looked at me with wide eyes and a huge smile. He chuckled softly to himself.

"Good boy Gerard! I'll put a star on your chart in your home, so Mikey will buy you an ice cream after your vacation. Bye bye Gerard!"

"Say bye bye." I said to Gerard.

What happened next was completely out of the blue, and very unexpected.

"Bye Bye!" Gerard giggled.

I stared back at him with my wyes wide andmy mouth hung open slightly.

"Well Mikey, I'll be damned. I want to have Gerard in my office as soon as you get home so we can take a peek at his brain activity. Thats abnormally well for someone in his condition."

"I get back on Monday."

"Monday at 6 if thats not a problem."

"No, thats good. Thanks Doctor Urie."

The call ended. I stared at Gerard for a moment, completely perplexed by what just happened. First of all, he walked. And second, he fucking spoke.

"Wow...Just...wow."

"Wow?" Gerard repeated.

"I love you Gerard. You're so amazing, you know that."

"Wow."

I couldn't fucking believe what was happening. My brother who has never said a fully distunguishable word in his entire life, just spoke properly.

"Okay...I guess we can go onto the park now..." I said, still shaken up.

I helped him walk with his frame to the elavator and pressed the button for it. We went to the ground floor and walked out of the hotel. I took him straight to the gift shops so he could pick out a gift for himself while i searched for something for mine and Gerards friend, Frank.

Gerard LOVED Frank. He was never grumpy when it came to Frank feeding him or whatever. They were inseparable.

I picked out a key chain with his name on and searched for Gerard. He hadn't moved from the t-shirts I left him at.

"You want a shirt? Which one?"

He pointed high at a black hoodie with a gay pride Mickey Mouse on. And yes, i was aware that Gerard was gay. I grabbed the hoodie he was pointing at and held it against his back to make sure it'd fit. It was a little baggy, but he preferred large sized hoodies anyway.

"How about you pick something else out? Or should i pick something for you?"

"Y-Y...ou."

"Me? I pick? Okay."

I had my hand on his back the whole time so he wouldn't possibly fall backwards. I made him cover his eyes while i picked his gift.

It was a white shirt with the gay pride Disney castle on and under it, it read Walt Disney World.

I paid for the key chain, hoodie and shirt, and even threw in 2 pairs of gay pride Mickey Mouse ears for both of us.

"Thats $54.27 please." The cashier said.

I handed her a $50 and $5 bill and told her to keep the change.

"Have a magical day you two!" She said with a smile.

Gerard immediately put the hoodie and the ears on, well i did. I put them on him, obviously. I noticed he was getting a little weaker on his legs so i found a bench for us to sit down for a minute.

"You having fun?" I asked.

He smiled at me and reached a shaky hand out to mine.

"Hold hands? Okay, I'll hold your hand."

I intertwined my fingers with his.

"I'm very proud of you today. You made Mikey very happy."

"Wow."

"Thats all huh? Just bye bye and wow? Don't worry Gee, you'll get there soon. I believe in you. Mom and dad might not, but i do. You'll be talking one day, just you wait, yeah? You got this."


	5. 5.

It was the final day of vacation. I had packed everything into the van already. Gerard had an appointment with Doctor Urie at 6 to check his brain activity, since it was higher than normal. Thats a good thing though.

We hit the road early in the morning. Gerard was once again fast asleep, his face resting on the window.

"Gee, wake up. Let me put a pillow on there, the windows are cold."

I gently lifted his head up and tucked my hoodie underneath his head so he was nice and comfy.

It wasn't long before we reached home. He was wide awake by now, humming along to On Melancholy Hill while i cooked him some tomato soup and cut up small slices of bread covered in butter.

I dipped one of the slices into the soup and fed it to him. He smiled and giggled.

"Good? You like it?"

He giggled again while i dipped another slice into the soup. I helped him to bite onto it and chew. After there was no bread left, i just fed the soup to him on a spoon. My phone started to ring.

"Yello?" I said.

"Hey Mikes, its Bob. Please take me back. I still love you."

"Bob--no. You made fun of Gerard all night and got frustrated when i had to feed him. I told you i care for Gerard, you said you didn't care, but you insulted him all night."

"No i didnt."

"You called him Geetard the retard."

"Oh come on Mikey! He knew it was a joke!"

"I don't think he did. He cried all night and he had to sleep in my bed. He never usually does that."

"I wont do it again."

"Bob please, im not in the mood for this. You called him a baby because he wears diapers."

"Baby you still want me. I know you do."

"Bob.." I started to sob, "Please stop calling me..."

"You love me Mikey. I know you love me."

"Maybe so...b-but you made fun of my brother...and you're not doing that to us."

I hung up and buried my head into my hands. Gerard managed to push himself off of the sofa and onto his hands and knees. I hadn't noticed his struggled crawling towards me until he mumbled a very indistinguishable version of my name. I dried my eyes and picked him up.

"D-Dont crawl...the f-floors dirty."

"No..." He poked at my puffed up red eyes.

"I know, you don't want me to cry huh? I'm sorry buddy. I'll stop."

He buried his face into my neck and cuddled me. I hugged him back.

"Ugh, how can i be sad when i have you to look after, huh? Lets go get ice cream, bud, you earnt it."

I pushed his wheelchair all the way to the ice cream parlour in the city we lived in. I ordered a vanilla tub of ice cream for Gerard, with rainbow sprinkles and strawberry sauce.

Gerard wasn't a retard, i knew there, inside that broken brain od his, is a sweet, intelligent man who has potential to make it big. I didn't doubt it at all. He was smart. I knew he was.

But he didn't have to show it for me to believe him. I loved him regardless.

He really enjoyed the ice cream. It was all over his mouth and his shirt, and somehow all over me. I chuckled and cleaned it off with a napkin.

"Cry...w-w...eh?"

"Why was i crying? Nasty people. Thats all. I'm okay. You're okay, aren't you?"

He gave me his usual lopsides smile with a string of drool pouring out hid mouth.

I suddenly spotted an empty ice cream tub collide with the back of Gerarda head making him scream almost instantly.

"Shh, its okay, Mikeys here. You're okay. Wait here for a minute."

I found the source of the ice cream tub. It was a large group of teenagers.

"So now its okay to throw things at disabled people?" I asked.

"Go away, nonce. Whose that then? You touch his private area? Creep."

I was snapping, "Thats my brother! What the fuck is wrong with you to assume i touch disabled people?!"

"Piss off."

"What did you just say to me?"

"I said piss off before i call the cops."

I lost my temper and grabbed the boy by his shirt collar, before winding him in the chest.

"If you assume that i touch my brother in a perverted way, then why don't you read up on cerebral palsy? I only undress him to change him, he cant fucking do that himself. Grow a set of balls and fight me if you think you're so tough."

The boy tackled me to the floor of the ice cream parlour. He beat the absolute shit out of me. Gerard was crying and screaminf extremely loudly.

"Paedophile!" He shouted at me while punching my face.

A member of security pulled the boy off of me and helped me up while another worker comforted Gerard.

I went home with 2 black eyes, a broken nose and a busted lip.

"Bye bye!" Gerard giggled as the boy was placed into handcuffs.

As soon as i got home i had to take a shower, so badly. I was covered in my own blood and Gerards ice cream.

Now, its not a cage at all, but in the corner of Gerarda bedroom he has a safety gate with a foam floor and a beanbag which faced the TV screen. I'd leave him in there when i showered since there was no way he could unlock the gate.

I set him down on the beanbag and turned the TV on. I left him to watch Despicable Me while i changed in my bedroom. I jumped in the shower and cleaned the blood off my face and chest. My nose was hurting, i could barely blink without my eyes hurting and my lip was cut open. Well, when i take Gee for his appointment i could get Doctor Urie to patch me up.

After my shower, i changed into a flannel shirt and black jeans. I covered my bleeding lip with a tissue since Gerard usually faints when he sees blood. I returned to Gerards bedroom and saw him still watching the movie. I figured i wouldn't disturb him so i cuddled next to him and watched it too.

There was a knock on the door, followed by the creaky sound of it opening.

"Hey! Its just Frank!" He shouted.

"Wait here a sec," I yawned loudly, "Okay?"

Gerard practically ignored me and continued to sip on his sippy cup. I walked out of the bedroom into the living room and saw Frank with a dog leash in hand.

"What the hell happened to you?!" Frank exclaimed at Mikeys beaten face.

"Some dick threw ice cream at Gerard and beat the shit out of me."

"You look exhausted man, you need a break from taking care of him."

"I'm good. We just got back from Disney World today and...I'm a little sleepy, I'll just get a coffee before his appointment."

And that's what i did. I drank 2 cups of coffee to keep myself awake. It hardly worked. I carried Gerard out to the car and strapped him in before climbing into the drivers seat.

"Mikey I'll drive. You're in no condition to drive like that." Frank said.

"We'll be okay."

Foreshadowing, i was wrong.

"Alright i guess. Call me later and let me know how Gerard is."


	6. 6.

I was so frustrated and angry for no reason. I felt like i was going to snap with every single mumble or grumble Gerard made. 

"Quieten down Gerard." I grumbled.

He continued to make sounds to get my attention. He needed me, but i was being too grumpy.

"Gerard shush."

He only repeated the same grunting and muttering he had been doing for over 10 minutes. 

"Shut up!" I snapped at him.

He whimpered and his eyes filled with tears, at the time, i just ignored him and didn't feel guilty at all, but now i regretted snapping at him.

"Gerard! I told you to fucking shut up, just...shut the fuck up! You stress me out so badly!"

I slammed on the break and pulled over. I turned to face Gerard who was trying his hardest to back away from me. 

"YOU are the reason i have panic attacks! YOU are the reason that im practically broke! Just shut up and get out of my life, you brainless, little brat!"

And with that, Gerard wailed the loudest i had ever heard him do so. My chest felt so tight and constricted, and his screaming and crying wasn't helping me.

"Gerard be quiet--for a minute..please, c-cant breathe.." 

He stopped screaming, still sniffling and sobbing. I tried every exercise that my therapist taught me, shaking my hands, grounding by using my senses to bring me back, but nothing was working. 

I gripped onto the steering wheel and desperatly tried to catch my breath. I hadn't had a panic attack in a long time, since they boosted my medication. I hadn't noticed Gerard trying to open the car door with his paralysed arms, but he managed to unbuckle his seatbelt and fall out of the car door. He started to scream and shout, screaming a somewhat distunguishable Help my brother to anyone passing by. 

And after the shit I said to him, and how I slapped him so hard that its sure to leave a mark, he unbuckled his own seatbelt and clambered his way out of the car to scream for help for me. 

2 men came running towards Gerard and sat him back down in the car. His hands and forehead were grazed from falling out of the car. One man came to my side and opened the door. 

"Whats going on?" The one assisting Gerard said.

"I think hes having an anxiety attack."

"This one has a bracelet on. Its for cerebral palsy. Fucking hell." 

"Okay, listen to me. Look at me." A man with a frizzy afro said to me, grabbing onto my wrists and tipping my head to face him. 

He had plump, rounded lips, and big, beautiful hazel eyes. He was gorgeous. 

"Can you speak to me?" He continued. 

"Y-Yeah." I trembled. 

"Alright, tell me some bands you like." 

"Uhh...N-Nirvana, Gorillaz...Green   
D-Day."

"Oh, i love Green Day! What's your favourite song?"

"Am...Americ-can Idiot."

"I like that one too!" 

He wiped away my tears and something in my chest just...fluttered. Thats the only way I could describe it, my chest started to relax and the feeling of breathing came back. 

"You're okay. Thats good. Your boyfriend's okay too, he took a little tumble out of the car but hes alright, he was shouting for help for you."

"Hes...N-Not my boyfriend, hes my brother."

"Oh Jesus! I'm so sorry! Fuck. You've just had a really bad panic attack. Your brothers still crying." 

My shaking hands reached out for Gerard, but he backed away from me.

"No...N-No..." He whimpered. 

Then I realised what caused the entire thing to happen, for Gerard climbing our of the car, for my anxiety attack. It was the horrible things I said. 

"Gerard I'm really sorry. I'm stressed out of my mind, I'm tired, I'm just a wreck. I'm just as bad as mom and dad. Grandma Elena can look after you...I'm not good enough." 

I covered my face with my hands and cried. I wasn't good enough. I couldn't keep up with him anymore. It was too much and my anxiety can't take any more. 

"I'm a failure..."

"Uhh--ehh...noo." Gerard spoke, straining his arm and poking my hands. 

"What bud? I'll take you to your appointment and I'll drop you off at Grandma Elenas." 

He hit me in the face to get my attention. I uncovered my face and looked at him.

"Love you." He said, very suddenly, very abruptly, and very, VERY unexpectedly. 

"Gee...I'm really, really sorry." 

He gave me his lopsided smile and returned to his regular position. The men introduced themselves as Ray and 'his brother'. 

Ray was...absolutely gorgeous. Wow. I took his phone number and continued to go to Gerards appointment. We agreed to forget about what happened and all the horrible things i said. 

Gerard sat on my lap in the waiting room. I booked myself in after his appointment for new anxiety meds. 

"Gerard Way to Doctor Uries room, number 7." 

I carried Gerard on my back to Doctor Uries office. I knocked on the door and entered. 

"Hello you two! Just lay Gerard down on the bed and we'll put some elctrodes on that noggin of his." 

I listened to the doctor and lay him down on the bed covered with a white sheet of paper. He always hated this. I had to hold his hand so he wouldn't get scared. 

The doctor put a pair of white latex gloves on and pushed down against Gerards forehead to find the right spots. He placed one electrode on, then another, and another. 

"You're alright Gee." I reassured him.

"It tingles a bit, huh? Alrighty, im seeing normal brain activity which is a repetitive pattern. Mikey could you pass any of these stim toys to him?" 

I nodded and grabbed one of the squishy stress balls out of the box. I curled Gerards spider like fingers around it and told him to play with it. 

"So i can see this part of his brain is active, hes focusing on the ball. Give that ball a big squeeze for me Gerard and really focus on it." 

He obeyed and scrunched his fac up while he applied more pressure onto the yellow smiley face stress ball. 

"Yeahh, thats what i like to see. Good boy. So Mikeys been telling me that you've been walking and talking. Can we try get you to talk? Say something to Mikey." 

"Go on Gee, speak."

"L-Love...you...n-nehh.."

"Well then, things are lighting up in your brain, that has never lit up before. Mikey can you get him on his feet please?"

I grabbed a set of crutches in the corner of the room and put them snuggly under his armpits. He looked at me with a scared expression on his face. I reassured him, and he managed to step closer to me. He toppled forward into my arms.

"Wow. You're doing absolutely outstanding. This...has never happened to you before. You're a good boy. How about you pick one of these stim toys?" 

Doctor Urie pulled the electrodes off of his forehead and passed him a box of toys. He chose the yellow smiley ball he used earlier. Now we had to wait for my appointment. 

"Michael Way to Doctor Nestors room, room 3." 

I carried Gerard bridal style while he hit the ball in my face repeatedly and tried to put it in his mouth like a baby. 

"Oh...Michael, only one at a time. He has to wait outside." My nurse said. 

"I can't leave him alone. He has cerebral palsy." 

"Sorry Michael, rules are rules." 

"Come on, he'll be quiet."

"Fine, fine. He sits in the corner, he makes no sound."

I sat him down on the cushion in the corner of the room. He drooled and dribbled all over his hands and the stressball. 

"Whats going on then?" She asked.

"I had a really bad panic attack earlier...I've been taking my meds but they're not really helping."

"Was this stress caused by...him?"

"If thats how you're going to address my brother then I'm leaving." 

"Maybe its not the meds, but Gerard."

I scoffed and picked Gerard up, letting his soggy, drool covered hands, cover my face and neck in his saliva. Pleasant. 

I drove back home with Gerard munching and gnawing on the stressball with his front teeth. Fucking people prejudging Gerard without getting to understand what a nice person he was.


	7. 7.

Gerard was babbling away to a stuffed animal on the floor. It was so annoying to listen to while i was trying to watch TV. 

"Hwy, could you be a tiny bit quieter?" I asked him.

He didn't listen and continued to play with the bear plush. I tried to ignore him as best as i could, but i couldn't. 

"Can you do that in your bedroom?"

I reached for the sides of his face, but he bit down on my hand. 

"You little shit! I've had enough of you!"

I grasped onto his hair and dragged him to the front door. I threw him down the wheelchair ramp and locked the front door. Peace at last.

-

I woke up in a pool of sweat. What have i done? Was that a nightmare? Oh please be a nightmare. I sleepily stumbled my way to his bedroom door and crossed my fingers.

I pushed the door open and sure enough, he was sound asleep. Thank god that it was a nightmare. I would never throw Gerard out. As much as he stresses me out, and as much as he dribbles all over me, hes still my disabled brother. 

I slowly crept over to his bed and kissed his forehead. I sat down on the blue bean bag chair and pulled out my phone. It was 4:20am. 

Ray: Hey dude, its Ray, how are you and your brother now?

Hes asleep, i just had a nightmare

Ray: What did your doctor say?

She insulted Gerard so i walked out

Ray: People who do that and don't understand Gerards condition are horrible people

I know. I'm just sat in Gerards bedroom. I can't get back to sleep.

Ray: Same 

I rubbed my eyes and looked over at Gee who was still sleeping in the same position i had left him in last night. I didn't wake him up on purpose, but he started to mutter and whimper and the occasional 'No no no' escaped his lips. 

I woke him up quickly. 

"Its just a little nightmare Gee. Its alright, im here." 

He looked around the room with his eyes, before making eye contact with me. 

"Mikeys here. You don't need to worry." 

I gently stroked his exposed cheek and made him smile back at me. 

"It's 4am, can you try to go back to sleep?"

"No no no." He mumbled, "You."

"Me? Ohh, you want to sleep in my bed, right?"

I lifted him up into my arms and grabbed the stuffed besr he was snuggling with. I carried him to my bed and lay him down on the left side. I tucked his bear under his arms and sung him to sleep.

"How in the universe,   
Through the lithium,  
Busted and Blue."

I heard his soft, gentle snoring and shuffled down next to him. I held onto one of his hands and stroked the back of it with my thumb. 

I pulled out my phone again and texted Ray.

I got him to sleep. He's in my bed. 

Ray: Thats so sweet

Yeah, he snores though 

Ray: Haha

I really need to see a doctor. Gerard isn't allowed in with me and he wont leave me

Ray: I could take care of him for a while. You look like you need a break anyway 

Suppose 

Ray: Make a doctors appointment for tomorrow and i can house sit for you

You would? That'd be a big help, thanks 

Ray: No problem. I work with disabled people so taking care of Gerard should be easy enough

I looked over at my sleeping brother and smiled. He reached an arm for me and i shuffled closer to him, so je could hug me. And he did. He wrapped his stiffened arms around me.

"I love you too buddy."


	8. 8.

Gerards birthday was coming up. He'd be 27 on Sunday. I knew exactly what presents i would get for him. He needed a new blanket after throwing up all over it, some new clothes, and some new stuffed animals.

I left him with Ray while i went to Party City. I paid for banners, cake toppers and paper plates. I had invited a few of Gerards friends, along with a few of mine. 

I was driving to a Hot Topic to pick up some band shirts when Ray called me.

"Hello? Everything okay?"

"Yeah, fine. Gerards not really working well with me. He started crying when i was trying to feed him."

"Okay, theres a tub of ice cream in the freezer. Put some in a bowl and set it on the table. Tell him he has to eat before the ice cream melts or else he won't get any. Works everytime."

"Ah, okay! Thanks!"

I chuckled and ended the call. I pulled into the car park and got out of the car. I walked into Hot Topic and looked around. I bought a Misfits shirt, a Gorillaz CD, and a few other shirts. 

Ray: Hes still not eating

Tell him that im not going to get him anything for his birthday if he doesnt eat

Ray: 👍

I drove to a Walmart that wasn't too far from the Hot Topic. I paid for a few rolls of wraping paper, a few stuffed animals and a couple books for me to read to him. I still had a lot of time before i had to get back home so i drove to a bakery and had a look around. 

Gerard does NOT like jam. I learnt that one the hard way. I tried to feed him a raspberry jam bun and he spat it out on me. I assumed he was just being cranky so i fed him even more. 

Yeah, bad idea.

He threw up all over me. 

I decided chocolate cake would be best for him. The baker iced with with chocolate icing and added Hersheys kisses around it. She wrote the words Happy Birthday Gerard! in pink icing. 

"Looks good." I said, the smell of cake making me hungry, "Smells good."

"I have some cake samples if you're hungry." She chuckled, boxing the cake up. 

"Yes please!"

She handed me a smaller box with little peices of chocolate cake inside.

"Thank you!" I said.

I paid for the cake and placed the boxes in the passenger seat. I saw a peice of paper poking out of the glove compartment. It was a photo of me and Gerard when we were younger.

Gerard looked way different. His cerebral palsy hadn't really taken much of a toll and he was still wary of things. It was a picture of him in a hospital bed with me cuddling him. 

I placed the photo into my pocket and thought about what i needed next. 

Is he eating now?

Ray: Yeah, he accidentally knocked a cup of juice onto the carpet though

Shittt, its okay, I'll clean later, could you get him out of the house while i wrap his presents? He likes the park

Ray: Yep! 

I drove back home with everything in the van. When i arrived home, Ray and Gerard weren't there. I assumed that they were at the park. I put the cake and the food into the fridge and brought the gifts and wrapping paper into the living room.

I wrapped each present individually, i think his favourite gift would be the stuffed bear from Build a Bear do they have them in america? idk im british lol

I named the bear 'Gerard'. It was a black bear wearing a happy birthday shirt and holding a cake. It even had a wheelchair like Gerards. 

I hid the gifts upstairs under my bed and waited for Ray to bring Gerard back. 

"We're home!" Ray chirped. 

"Yayy! Hey Gerard! Did you have fun with Ray?" 

He giggled and smiled at me. 

"Whos birthday is it tomorrow? Is it Rays?"

"N-No.."

"Is it Frankies?"

"Noo!"

"Is it...is it Gerards?"

He smiled and giggled, reaching out for my hands. I took him into the living room after kicking the rolls of wrapping paper away. I left him to watch Iron Man 2 while i spoke to Ray.

"Anymore panic attacks?" He asked.

"A small one...I'm alright though." 

"You need help Mikey. Taking care of Gerard is easy. Let me take him to my house for a few days. Gives you a break." 

"No. It isn't his fault. Obviously i am stressed about him, but im getting better. I have different meds now, they're a bit stronger so...it'll be okay i guess." 

"Okay, if you say so. Could i use some wrapping paper? I bought Gerard a birthday present, but i haven't got any wrapping paper." 

I nodded and handed one of the rolls of wrapping paper to him. 

Ray left not long after. It was getting late, so i changed Gerard into his pyjamas and played my guitar for him. 

"Night night Gee. Sleep tight."

"L-Lo...ehh...youuu.." 

I kissed his forehead and closed the door. I walked downstairs and started to decorate the house. I left his gifts on the table and hung the banners up. 

I would put the food and the cake out after i wake Gerard up in the morning, before everyone arrives. I so hope tomorrow goes well.


	9. 9.

It was Gerards 27th birthday today. I set the food out on the table and the cake on the kitchen counter before waking Gerard up.

"Happy Birthday sleepy head!" I said, opening Gerards curtains to let sunlight in. 

He grumbled and opened his eyes. I lifted him up and carried him on my back. I put a Gorillaz CD in and played Feel Good Inc, singing along with his humming. 

For some reason, he was sleeping again, but resting his head on my shoulder. 

"Someone was tired. Lets get you change and go get you some coffee."

I made sure he was holding onto me tightly while i read my messages. Oh shit.

Mom: Im coming to see Gerard today.

No you're not. 

Mom: Sorry, whos the mom here?

You, apparently. What mom leaves her disabled son with his brother? What mom insults her disabled son? 

Mom: Shut up Michael James Way. Its not your choice whether i can see my own son on his birthday. 

You are not seeing him. Not today. Not tomorrow. Never. After i left him with you for a day, he was completely off his routine and was covered in bruises and hand marks. If you think I'd let you near him again you're fucking insane. Now excuse me, i have to feed him. 

I sat Gerard down on the sofa while i tried to hold back from a complete breakdown, again. I leaned over the kitchen sink and held my breath until i stopped myself from crying. I took my pills and sighed. I crushed up Gerards pills and mixed them into a strawberry yoghurt. 

"Open up." I said, glumly. 

He didn't. 

"Whats wrong bud?"

"You..? C-Cry...you?"

"No, im okay buddy. Don't worry, its nothing important. Open up so i can feed you." 

He shook his head slightly and poked my cheek. I grabbed his hand and smiled. 

"You're too sweet. You don't need to worry about me. Open your mouth Gee."

He obeyed and opened his mouth. I placed the spoon in his mouth. He polished off the entire yoghurt. I threw the empty tub into the trash and put the spoon in the dishwasher. 

And Gerard continued trying to comfort me.

"N-Noo..." He poked my cheek again.

"Buddy, im okay! Honestly, don't worry."

"Noo.."

"Yes Gerard. I'm fine, its your birthday and im going to make sure its the best day ever. I'm okay."

Foreshadowing again, i was wrong. 

Don't worry, this time i dont scream at Gerard.

There was a soft knock on the door. I answered and saw Frank with a gift box in his hands. 

"Hey Mikey! Wheres the birthday boy?" 

"Just through there."

Gerard was listening to the music playing from the CD player. He was humming along to Strobelite. 

"Happy Birthday Gerard!" I heard Frank say. 

I dont know what was going on with me. I felt tired, and weak. My hesrt felt like it was racing at a million miles an hour and i honestly felt quite nauseous. 

I cannot face my fucking mom again. Not after what she did to Gerard. It sickened me to think how she made my poor brother feel. I hate hearing him cry, imagining hearing him being beaten made my heart break.

"Mikey, you're daydreaming." Frank said, "Where should i put this?"

"On the pile...with the others." 

What is WRONG with you Mikey?! Its your brothers birthday! Don't spoil it for him! Don't be such a pussy!

It wasn't long before my friends and Gerards friends arrived. The pile of gifts was huge. I was surrounded. It was like i couldn't escape. 

"Mikey, whats going on?" Ray asked. 

"N-Nothing...I'm okay."

"No you're not."

I pushed past him and walked into the kitchen so i could light the canfles on the cake. I burnt fingers a few times, which made my first tears fall. 

"Pull it together Mikey...You're fine.." I mumbled. 

I had Frank bring the cake in. I was far too dizzy. They all sung Happy Birthday while i tried to wish my face and stop crying. 

"Mikey go to bed. Gerards okay with us." My friend Pete said. 

I eventually gave in and started to walk to my bedroom. I don't remember much, but my breathing became so constricted that i passed out. I smacked my head on the wall and completely blacked out.


	10. 10.

I woke up in a hospital bed. I heard nothing but an EKG blaring down my ears and Gerard screaming. 

"W-What happened..?" I asked. 

Ray was at my side while Frank tried to stop Gerard from attacking him. 

"You fainted. I knew something wasn't well with you. You're overworking yourself. They've boosted your meds again. You aren't allowed to take care of Gerard anymore...for a while."

I made eye contact with Gerard while he tried to thrash away from Franks grip.

"What? Why not?"

"Its because of Gerard that you're stressed, your panic attacks are caused by Gerard. You can't deal with that stress anymore." 

I pushed past Ray and walked over to Gerard. I knealed down in front of him before he dived into my arms.

"I...s-sc...ehh...d.."

"Scared? You're scared? Aw, you were worried about me? I'm alright buddy. Lets get the discharge papers."

I pulled away from Ray trying to put me back onto the bed and wheeled Gerards chair out of the hospital room. Frank and Ray followed behind me.

"I'm sorry i ruined your birthday Gee. We'll go home and you can eat your cake and you can have your presents."

I signed the discharge papers and Ray drove us all home. I told everyone to go home so me and Gerard can have some privacy after everything that happened. 

I cut 2 slices of chocolate cake off for me and Gerard. His slice was significantly smaller than mine. 

I used a fork to cut peices off and fed one chunk of it to him. 

"You...n-nehh..cry.."

"No, i won't cry...i was just a bit worried i guess. I wanted your birthday to be perfect. Lets do presents now."

I grabbed the gift from Ray. I placed Gerards hands on it and torr the paper off for him. His face lit up when he saw the Gorillaz 2D statue. He had been wanting it for a long time. 

"Look! Its 2D! Hes your favourite!"

He giggled and did grabby hands for the action figure. 

"We can play after we open them. This one is from Frank." 

I rested the squishy gift on Gerards lap and tore it open for him. Inside was a pillow with a photo of Gerard and Frank on it. 

"Is Frankie your bestest friend in the whole world?"

"Uhh...y-yuhh...Yeah!" 

He chuckled. I kissed the tip of his nose and reached for one of the gifts i bought him. He was super happy to see a soft, pale yellow blanket. 

We finished opening up all the presents. He was incredibly happy with all of them. I let him rest on top of me, cuddling the 2D figure from Ray and covered up with the blanket I bought him. 

We were watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Gerard felt safe with me, and only me. Not with Ray, or Frank, just me. It wasn't Gerard stressing me out, he was the onr keeping me in line, keeping me sane. 

I heard a knock on the door. I gently lay Gerard down and answered the door.

"Hello Mikey." 

"Hello mom."

Just fucking shoot me. Right now. 

"Where is he?"

"He has a name. Gerard is in the living room. You are NOT setting a single foot in this house. Go away!" 

"Mikey, I've changed. I'm not the horrible person i was. Let me just say hi."

I grumbled and let her in. I had a plan. I knew the perfect way to get rid of her. 

"Oh Gerard? How about we work on that noggin of yours? I'll grab your stressball."

I winked at Gerard and opened the drawer. I passed him the yellow smiley stressball. He started the chew and gnaw on it, drooling all over himself. 

"Oh, you mucky boy. Lets get you cleaned up. Mom, could you just take his shirt and put it in the wash?"

"Ew! No! Its covered in his dribble!" 

"I thought you changed!" 

"Not enough to touch his drool!" 

I giggled and wiped Gerards mouth with my hand. My mom pulled a face of disgust. 

"Good boy." I whispered to him. 

Gerard looked at me with big wide eyes. Drool ran down his chin while he started to mutter unintelligible words. He began to shiver and shake.

"G-Gee? Whats happening?"

"Whats he doing?"

"Hes...seizing...Hes having a fucking seizure! Mom help! Oh god...im having a panic attack...Mom fucking help him! Pick him up and just wait for me.."

She did as i said. I stepped away and watched everything. Gerard dribbled all over my mom.

"Ew! Ew ew ew! You disgusting little brat!" 

My mom slammed the front door behind her. I started laughing hysterically. 

"Wow! Priceless!" 

Gerard started to giggle with me. I high fived him and lifted him up into the air. 

"Good boy Gerard! That was awesome! You should be an actor. I would've believed that. Lets get you some chocolate strawberries and then its bedtime." 

If you can't tell, Gerard was forcing himself to dribble all over himself, and then pretended to have a seizure to get my mom to go home.

Fucking awesome.


	11. 11.

Today was the day Gerard would speak. Well, not exactly. Today he'd be given an ipad that would had text to speech.

The clinic we had to go to was a long drive away so once again, we had to wake up super early. I carried the sleeping Gerard to the car and lay him down on the back seats. 

I kept the radio on but playing very quietly so he didnt wake up. He gets a little rough and violent if he wakes up too early. Hes a nightmare to calm down again too, he'll scream, he'll hit you, until he gets his way and goes back to sleep. I wish i was joking.

Gerards black hair dye was starting to fade. Maybe i should dye it black again, or let him choose a new colour. He always wants me to dye his hair, hes had it black, red and blue. One time, he had black hair and teal roots. I did a shit job of getting the roots nice and even, but he really liked it.

I think he wanted bleach blonde hair the last time we went to the store. He was pointing at a box of blonde hair dye, so i told him he could have whatever hair color he wanted. Its nice, to treat him like he wasn't made of glass. To treat him as if he were normal. He wanted to the things an abled person like myself can do.

He came to the realisation that he will never be like me. He will never be able to walk in a straight line without falling over, and he will never speak fully intelligible sentences. He tells me he will try until he can do it...I don't lose doubt in him, but in the back of my mind, i know he won't ever be able to.

He wants to get married, he wants to have kids, but he can't. Well, he can get married, and im not trying to sound out of line, but i dont think anyone would want to.

Not that hes ugly or anything. He cant do most things. Lets put things in perspective. 

How would he stand up to get married? How would he walk down the aisle or say his vows? He won't. 

Hes come to terms with his disability and the things he'll never do as a result. But that doesnt mean he'll stop trying. Hes determined to walk and talk.

Of course im proud of the progress hes making. Hes doing incredibly well with walking without holding onto something. He cant walk much, he can only walk about 3-4 steps before   
falling onto me. 

His vocabulary is very, VERY limited. He can only say about 5 words. Either way, hes perfect. Hes easy to take care of, he listens and hes super sweet. 

His shaky hand reached for the back of my head.

"Jesus Gee! You scared me! We're off to go pick up your Ipad!" 

He didn't seem interested. Perhaps he just didn't understand me. Like ive said, he sometimes cant comprehend my words. 

"Whats wrong buddy?" 

He just started crying. I pulled over and got out of the car. I helped him get out of the car. I tried to calm him down by rubbing his back and shushing him, but it wasn't working. 

"Gee...talk to me, are you hungry?"

He shook his head slightly.

"Thirsty?"

Nope.

"Sleepy?" 

Ditto.

"Do you want to sit in the passenger seat? Did you want me?"

He nodded slightly. I awed at him and sat him down in the seat next to the drivers seat. I was just about to start driving when he grabbed my hand. He had a stronger grip than usual. 

"I can't hold your hand, i have to drive."

He would NOT let go. Told you. Hes sweet. I had to drive with one hand on the steering wheel and my other in Gerards strong grip.

"You want Gorillaz? Bowie?" 

He nodded. I played a Bowie CD and watched as he nodded his head to the beat of the song. 

I parked up in the handicapped parking space when a woman with a dumb hair cut came to my window.

"This is a handicap spot." She said. 

"And?"

"Its for handicapped people. You're not handicapped. I am."

"No, im not handicapped. How are you handicapped then?"

"I have PTSD."

Wow. Nice.

"Alright. I have anxiety, whats your point?"

"You can't park here."

"Im not handicapped, dumbass, my brother is. Don't jump to conclusions."

"I don't believe you. I'll get the manager."

I threw my head back and groaned. Gerard copied me and did that too, which made me laugh. 

"Oh, Mikey! We were wondering where you were. Hello Gerard!" The manager said.

"Hes in a handicap spot, he doesnt even have a parking pass." The woman said.

"Uhm...yes i do. I just havent put it in the window yet. You're not handicapped. At all." 

I shut the engine off and got out of the car. I opened the back of the mini van and grabbed Gerards wheelchair. I lifted him up under his arms and sat him down. 

"Yes manager. I'm not handicapped. My brother isn't. Hes just pretendinh for attention." I mocked.

"Yeah, lets go you pair of attention seekers." He chuckled back. 

I followed him to a very colorful room. He placed a stim toy in Gerards hands while i spoke to him.

"The Ipad has its own stand. I don't think its gonna clip onto Gerards chair though. You'll have to hold it for him. All he has to do is look at the letter he wants to use and the tech will type out his sentence for him. He just has to look at the arrow and then it'll speak out loud for him. I'm just going to put some electrodes on his forehead again to take some notes and then get the Ipad to work with his eyes." 

"Sounds good! Head up Gee."I said, tipping his head up to look at the doctor. 

He placed 3 thin wires on Gerards forehead and sat at his desk to take notes. 

"His brain activity has dropped again." 

I sighed. He was doing really well too. I dont blame Gerard, he couldny control what was happening. I felt so bad for him.

"Mikey, you're not doing enough to stimulate his brain."

"I was...im trying sir. Im having really bad panic attacks, i fainted on his birthday and had to go to the hospital. Its not my fault."

"Thats no excuse. You need to keep trying. Harder."

"My doctor said not to work too hard."

"Your brother should be your main priority."

"He is! Every decision i make, he always comes first!" 

Gerard started to scream. He hated arguing. 

"Hey, its alright bud." I said in a soft tone. 

"You need to keep his brain active. No slacking, its neglect. Heres your Ipad. $500." 

I grumbled and pulled $500 out of my wallet. I slammed it on the table, snatched the Ipad and walked out to the car. We stayed in the parking lot while Gerard got accustomed to the Ipad.

"Don't smile Gee! It has to see those eyes!" 

He stared blankly at the camera before the screen told him it had been set. I watched him with a big smile on my face as he started to look at the letters on the screen,the Ipad reading out the letters he was using. 

"I love you." The Ipad spoke. 

I screamed with joy and lifted Gerard up into the air. I hand my hands on his...behind (NOT LIKE THAT SICKO) so i wouldn't drop him. He rested his head on my shoulder while we cuddled tightly. 

"I love you too Gerard."


	12. 12.

I awoke to an incredibly exciting email.

Dear Michael James Way,

Your application to play bass in our latest gig has been approved and $200 has been sent to your PayPal. This is for your journey to Pasadena. Thank you, we expect you in studio on the 12th of May.

Thank you.

My heart pounded rapidly in my chest. I got accepted to play a gig!! I've been waiting for this day for years. I had to respond and inform them about Gerard and his severe impediments. 

Studio 5,

Hi, im happy to have been accepted! Thank you! However, i am unable to attend without my older brother. He has cerebral palsy and will not cooperate with anyone but me. If i were to attend and play the gig, my brother will have to come with me. 

Hope this isn't a problem. I am willing to pay for my brothers food and journey, and will pay for a larger studio in which i can bring him in.

Thank you, Michael Way.

I walked into Gerards bedroom and woke him up. 

"Morning sleepy head. Heres your Ipad." 

"Morning."

"Lets get you some tasty breakfast. How about...french toast?"

"Yes please!"

I smiled and carried him to the living room. I left him on the sofa with his Ipad watching Clifford The Big Red Dog. 

I walked into the kitchen and cracked a few eggs into a bowl after spraying the frying pan with oil. I smothered a slice of bread in egg and dropped it on the frying pan. 

I cooked 2 slices for Gerard and one for myself. I wasn't too hungry. I helped to feed it to Gerard. 

"Do you like your Ipad then?"

He took a while to respond but soon his Ipad spoke the words "Yes, it easy to use"

"Good. I think you need a bath, huh?" 

I chuckled and carried him upstairs. I left him sittin on the bed while i lay out one of my own hoodies and sweatpants for him to wear aftet his bath, along with a pair of bunny slippers, a clean diaper and a pair of underwear. 

I fillef the tub up and let Gerard sit in it while it filled. I received another email from the studio. 

Michael,

I am sorry, but your brother is unable to come with you. We have no place for someone with cerebral palsy and therefore you must come alone. If you still wish to attend the gig then you have to find someone to take care of your brother. 

I apologise for any inconvenience this brings up.

SHIT. I CANT LEAVE HIM. Who do i have to trust him with? Not mom. Definitely not mom. I dont know anyone else who is qualified to work with disabled people and i can't leave him to a complete stranger. 

Its not his fault. I dont blame him, but i cant go. I cant leave him. Its not fair to get him off of his routine. 

I drenched Gerards hair with water and massaged a little bit of shampoo into it. I continued to wash his hair, and to scrub his body with a rag. I left him in the bath while the water drained. 

I wrapped him up in a towel and carried him into his bedroom. I lay him down on the floor while i dried him off. 

I pulled up his clean diaper and his underwear and then the grey sweatpants. I sat him up, resting against my knees, and then pulled the black hoodie i had bought him for his birthday over his chest. 

I placed the Ipad back in his hands.

"Are you sad again?"

"No. Its allergies."

I was. I was sad. I was sad because i was being held back from my dream because of Gerard.

"I hug?"

"Yeah, c'mere you big softie." 

I squeezed him super tightly. 

Gerard was sleepy so i decided to let him nap on the sofa. I decided to tell Frank.

"Mikey? Why do you sound upset?" Frank asked. 

"I got accepted to preform at a gig. But they won't let me take Gerard. I'm not going. I cant leave him alone."

"Mikeyyyy! You cant do that! You can totally go! I can take Gerard for the week while you're in Pasadena. He trusts me."

"Its not just that...Im...not used to being away from him. I cant. It'd hurt to leave him. Hes never spent a night away from me...and if he goes for even just a week..."

"You two could face time every night. He'll be fine, you'll be fine. Drop him off tomorrow and i promise you i won't get him off his routine, I'll give him his meds and he'll be alright." 

"Alright."

I had to tell Gerard. I gently shook him to wake him up. He reached for my face and grabbed my nose. I chuckled and held onto his pale hand. I set the Ipad down on his lap.

"I have to tell you something Gee. I got accepted to play my guitar in Pasadena...but i can't take you."

He gave me a pouty lip and his eyes filled with tears.

"Don't cry! Shh, you'll make me cry. Frank is gonna take care of you, we'll face time everyday and every night,I'll bring you a gift back." 

I pulled him into my arms and let him wrap his arms and legs around me. I shushed him and rubbed circles on his back. 

"It'll be okay. Its only for a week, I'll be home before you know it. Lets go pack you a bag for Frankies."

I carried him to his bedroom, still sniffing into my shirt. I settled him down on the bed and filled up his suitcase we took for Disneyland with his clothes and his make up, his adult diapers and his underwear and his pill organiser, pill crusher and his routine I wrote on a peice of paper. 

\- The next day -

I packed my guitar and my suitcase, amps and various other things into the mini van, along with Gerards case and his chair. I drove him to Franks house after locking up the house. 

"Hello Gerard!" Frank smiled. 

"H-E-L-L-O. Hello."

I handed Gerard in his wheelchair over to Frank while i took his suitcase out of my mini van. Gerard was biting his lip and hyperventilating to stop himself from crying. 

"I have to go now Gerard...please stop crying...You're making me cry!" 

I kissed his forehead one last time as he pulled me to onto his lap. We hugged so tightly i was sure i couldn't breathe.

"One more thing."

I took my beanie off and placed it onto his head. 

"My favourite beanie. Wear it whenever you miss me, okay..? I love you Gerard. I'll see you in a week." 

"I love you too."

Frank raised Gerards hand up to wave goodbye. I started the engine and waved. I drove off and saw Gerard in the mirror get further and further away.


	13. 13.

I couldnt get Gerard off of my mind for the entire car ride to Pasadena. I set everything up in the studio and checked into the hotel. It was weird to not be pushing Gerards wheelchair or carrying him around everywhere.

I arrived at the studio at around 8pm. I knew Gerard should be getting ready for bed now, so i decided to call Frank to see how he's doing.

"Hey!" I said.

Oh, hi. Gerards just getting to sleep."

"Let me see him!"

Frank pointed his phone at Gerard who was lying in Franks bed, wearing the beanie i left him with. 

"Hi buddy! I miss you! How was he?"

"I made mac and cheese. He spat it all over me. I managed to get some tomato soup in him though. We watched a few movies and played I Spy. He cried for you when i told him its bedtime. I've just been trying to get him to sleep. He's took his meds so you don't need to worry about that."

"Oh, i miss him so much. Its so weird without him. I finally ate some food without it going cold though...and i haven't felt anxious today, just sad." 

"He came inside after you left and he cried so much he almost threw up. He hasn't taken your beanie off all day."

I smiled and waved at Gerard who was drifting to sleep.

"Is that your bed?" I asked.

"Yeah. Its comfy. I'm sleeping on the air mattress tonight. Gives him his space."

"He does like to be cuddled while hes sleeping y'know?"

I finished talking to Frank, said goodnight to Gerard and ended the phone call. At least i knew he was in safe hands. I was feeling peckish again,so i made a cup of ramen.

I finished eating that and writing who im 'thanking' for my contribution to this gig.

Mikey Way is thankful for: best friend Ray Toro, my grandma Elena, best friend Frank Iero and my older brother Gerard Way. Thanks to Frank, i accepted this opportunity. Gerard has cerebral palsy and separation anxiety, so i am grateful that Frank is taking care of my brother, and that Gerard has controlled his anxiety for me to take this gig. I love you all, Gerard especially. 

I practised my song for a while. It was only a bass line for a cover of American Idiot, heavydirtysoul and Feel Good Inc. Gerard would've loved to be here. Well, he gets to watch it on a live stream and Frank said he'd record Gerards reaction.

I was about to check on Gerard. Oh yeah. We're not even in the same state. 

Frank: Hes sleeping now. I had to give him an old picture of you two for him to hold. You never said how fucking cute he is

Yeah, he is really adorable, isnt he

I wish he was here. I wish i could cuddle him like i always do, and dance with him to music or even playing my bass for him. He tried to sing along, but it was unintelligible mumbling. 

I always told him he was a good singer. I always said that one day he'd be big and famous for his amazing singing voice, even though he knew i was lying and joking with him. 

I settled down into my hotel bed and went on my phone before I slept. I scrolled through hundreds of pictures i had of me and Gerard. I couldn't wait to be back home. I was excited to be preforming for a live audience, but i couldn't wait to go home to Gerard.

I even missed feeding him. As much as he drooled, dribbled, peed and spat on me, i couldn't wait to see him.

This was going to a long, lonely week.


	14. 14.

I woke up later than usual. I was used to waking up at about 5:30 to get Gerard up by 6am. By now i would have fed Gerard his breakfast and would be giving him his meds. 

But today im alone. No one. It was so oddly quiet. I felt so lonely without him. I missed his stupid, goofy little grin and his dorky laugh. 

"Mikey!" The manager shouted at my door.

"Whats up?" I asked.

"The singer...The singers off sick all week and we have no one else to sing. We need you to do it."

"Okay...thats okay! i can do that."

No  
I  
Cant.  
...

I cannot sing. I have an awful singing voice. I knew the lyrics to all the songs I'd be preforming this week. And there was a LOT of songs. Today it was American Idiot, heavydirtysoul and Feel Good Inc. Gerard would certainly love it though. He LOVED those songs.

Gerard has met Tyler Joseph before. We had VIP privileges at a Twenty One Pilots concert once. We won the passes. Ty is actually a really cool dude. 

Hes also met Bo Burnham. Hes been to one of Bo's shows. I got him tickets for Christmas a year or so ago. Bo is also a really funny guy. He even hugged Gerard. 

I have no idea why I'm telling you this. Bo Burnham and Tyler Joseph have literally nothing to do with this story. I love rambling, huh? 

I've been saving money. A lot of it. You see, the is certain...parts of Gerards brain that can be operated on, which will cure, or at least make life a little easier for him. Its very, VERY pricey though. I've been saving for years. Every dollar i got as a birthday present went towards that surgery. What ever money i get from this gig also goes towards it. I can't bear to see him like this. I wanted life to be a lot easier for him.

I could add whatever song i wanted to this gig, there was still some openings for songs. I chose a few for Gerard. He loved to listen to me singing to him. I chose Sad by Bo Burnham, Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots, Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz and Space Oddity by David Bowie. All bands/musicians he liked. 

I walked out onto the stage where I'd be preforming and set up the amps and my bass. All the cameras were pointed towards the stage. 

"You'll be fine Mikey. You'll br alright." I assured myself...

-

I made sure i looked nice. Frank had called to let me know that they were watching the live stream. I applied a thick line of eyeliner under my eyes and left my glasses on the bed. 

"You got this Mikes, don't worry." Frank said.

"Thanks. God I'm so scared."

"Gerards watching the stream, hes supporting you remember?"

This. This is for Gerard. The money. I will get Gerard that surgery. I will fix my brother. 

I walked out onto stage, my bass tightly in my grip. The audience screamed out and cheered me on. I took a a deep breath before speaking into yhe mic.

"I am Mikey Way. I am here to raise money for my older brother Gerard. He has cerebral palsy, and i am trying to get enough to pay for his surgery. My big brother means everything to me." 

I wiped away my tears and felt a panic attack coming on. NO! YOU ARE NOT DOING THIS MIKEY! YOU CAN DO THIS!

I did it. The panic just went away. The crowd started chanting my name. I wiped my sweaty hands on my pants and started to sing to American Idiot while playing the bass line. 

Wow. I was doing it. I was ACTUALLY doing it. I could imagine Gerards face, imagining his smile made me push through and sing. 

After the show, i walked sleepily back to my hotel room and screamed in pure joy and excitement. My phone buzzed in my pocket.

"THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING MIKEY!" Frank shouted.

"I love!" Gerards Ipad spoke.

"I was soo nervous."

"You're awesome! Gerard loved it!"

I waited to receive my money from the managers. Well, people donated far more than i expected. It was enough.

More than enough.

Gerard is getting the surgery.


	15. 15.

I was certain i was speeding my way home. I was just so excited to see Gerard. I could finally pay for that surgery. 

He didn't know i would be coming home today. I couldn't wait to grab him out of that damned wheelchair and squeeze him tight. Tighter than i ever have before. 

I pulled into Franks driveway and parkwd up next to his car. I quietly opened the front door and heard the TV playing Despicable Me. I saw Gerard in his chair, staring blankly at the TV screen. 

"Gerard? Guess whos home?" Frank said. 

I stood behind Gerard. He slowly turned his head towards me, and his whole face lit up. His eyes brimmed with tears while he tried to push himself out of his chair. 

I scooped him up and kissed all over his face repeatedly. He was crying but giggling while i hugged him super tightly in my arms.

"I missed you! I missed you so damn much Gee! Did you see me on TV?!"

His nails dug into my cheeks while he tried to push himself closer to my face. He pressed a soggy kiss on my forehead. 

He wouldn't leave my side the entire day. He fell asleep on my chest, drooling all over my neck. I really didn't care. He was finally in my arms agaim. That was by far one of the loneliest weeks of my fucking life.

I never realised how much i HAD to be with him. I did need that break though. I didn't have to clean his messes or change a diaper for a full week. 

But its okay. Hes okay. I have him now, and thats all that matters. 

"Come on Geebear, wake up. You're getting hungry now." 

I sat him up and tucked a napkin into his shirt. I gently blew on the steaming hot spoonful of chicken soup and placed the spoon into his mouth. 

Hey, opinion time. As much as i wanted Gerard to be cured, is it totally weird that i loved caring for him and didn't care if he was disabled or not?

He was just too soft and too adorable. The way he'd always curl into a ball when he slept, or how his nose would go red when he cried. I promsed to protect Gerard with my life. I would take a bullet for him anyday.

"Have you missed me?"

"Yes."

"What have you missed mosy about me?"

"Hugs and kisses."

I chuckled and tucked his messy black hair behind his ears. 

"How about we cut and dye your hair?"

"Yes please."

I carried him up into the bathroom and wrapped a towel over his shoulders. I grabbed a pair of hair clippers and cut into his hair. It was now much shorter than his old shoulder length. I applied hair bleach onto his hair and left in to for a few minutes. He leaned over the bathtub while i washed it out. 

His hair was now a warm lemon colour. Not to brag, but im good at cutting and styling his hair. 

I lay down with him in my bed, snuggled up in my arms. We watched Hamilton. 

I was singing each song quietly, while Gerard hummed along. Gerard loved musicals, Hamiltion, Oliver!, Cats. I took him to watch Oliver! in a theatre actually. The cast were super sweet when he cried out for them. Well...it wasn't the greatest day ever...

Halfway through the production, he suffered a pretty nasty seizure.

I didn't expect it at all. He had been taking his meds accordingly and he didn't miss a single pill. He just fell out of his seat and started to shake. They had to stop the whole preformance while the backstage medics assisted him. 

Now i know what to look for when he's about to have a seizure. His mouth and his eyes start to twitch. Its such a heartbreaking thing to fucking witness. I dont like to see him have seizures, but i know when he has them, he needs love and support while it passes. 

And just a pre-warning, that certainly isnt the last seizure he had.

He started to mumbled and shuffle around. I helpef him to lie down and covered him up. 

"Sleep well princey. Remember that Mikey loves you so so much." 

I turned Hamilton off and went to sleep soon after.


	16. 16.

I hate taking Gerard to the store. He would always find something to cause a ruckus about. We even got kicked out because he started to scream. All because i left him for literally 2 seconds to grab something, and someone pushed him out of his chair. 

He screamed and i beat the shit out of the person who pushed him. Frank was busy and Ray was out of town, so i had no choice to take Gerard with me. 

"If you be a good boy for me and you don't cause a scene, I'll let you pick out a toy." I said, knealing down ro his level.

I wheeled him down the ramp and down to the van and sat him in the passenger seat. I so hope he doesn't throw a tantrum, cause that means i have to shout at him.

There wasn't a wheelchair access into the store, so i had to have a security member to help me lift him up. 

I really could've used some help, its not easy to carry a shopping basket and push Gerards wheelchair at the same time. 

"What soup do you want?" I asked. 

He shakily pointed at the tomato soup cans. I picked a few cans up and put them into the basket. I kissed the top of Gerards fluffy blonde hair. 

"We need...bread, milk, cheese, pasta, probably need some orange juice. You need a new sippy cup. Frank sat on it and broke it." 

I wheeled him down to the baby department and chose a blue sippy cup with a tiger on it. 

"You like this one?" I asked him, he responded with an adorable little giggle.

I also put a few packets of baby wipes, baby food and talcum powder into the basket. I walked down to the breads and bagels and grabbed a loaf of bread. 

I reached the dairy aisle and put a block of cheese, a tub of butter, some margarine and a carton of milk, along with Gerards puddings and yoghurts for his meds.

"Excuse me?" I said to a worker, "Do you sell...adult diapers?"

"Yes, behind the counter. So is this your son?"

Jesus Christ. He is older. He looks older. What the frick.

"No, hes my brother."

The woman walked off, definitely embarrassed. I picked up a few packs of diapers and then took his to the clothing aisle. He reached out and grabbed a Nirvana t-shirt. I assumed he wanted it so i said yes. I put it into the cart. 

"You need socks, and underwear."

I paid for everything and left with Gerard babbling at a new plushie i bought for him.

"Do you like that panda?' I asked him.

He responded with a giggle before gnawing away on the plush toy. 

"Mikey, baby!" I heard a voice say.

I turned around and saw Ray walking towards me. I accepted his hug and smiled when he kissed my cheek. 

"Hows Gerard?"

"Hes acting weird, but i think hes okay."

Should i stop foreshadowing? Once again, i was wrong.

I heard a quiet crack of Gerards wheelchair brakes, followed by Gerards screaming. Ray pushed past me and ran towards Gerard. 

Gerard was going backwards down the parking lot and towards a moving car. I wasn't very fast, and neither was Ray, and we didn't get to him before he and the chair was knocked over. 

Gerard was hit. He was fully unconscious too. Ray called for an ambulance while the people who hit him drove off. His wheelchair was in peices and he was bleeding from various places. 

"Oh my god I'm such an idiot!" I shouted, "I'm so sorry!" 

I took my shirt off and covered one of the many wounds. It wasnt long before Gerard was in the back of an ambulance. He was awake now, he was sobbing and he was in a lot of pain. 

I held onto his hand the whole way. I'm such a fucking idiot to have left him alone because i wanted to see my boyfriend. This was my fault.


	17. 17.

I paced up and down the waiting room, anxious to see Gerard and to see what damage had been done. My nails were worn down from biting them. 

"He's awake. The car must've ran Gerards arm over, its broken in 2 places. He suffered a concussion too, and he is physically unable to do anything anymore. Hes on a feeding tube right now." 

I felt so guilty. I slowly entered his room and saw him staring at the wall with his head being held up by a metal brace and his arm in a cast. He had a rube up his nose, secured to his face with Paw Patrol tape and hanging down his ear, connected to an IV pole. 

"H-Hey Gee." I trembled, "How you doing?"

He looked over at me with his puppy dog eyes. I walked over to his bedside and stroked his bruised cheeks. He winced in pain, so i stopped. I tucked his panda bear into his bed. 

"I'm reslly sorry i let this happen to you. I should've held onto you." 

He didn't even smile at me. He couldn't. He couldn't do anything but stare aimlessly at me. 

A few days later, i was allowed to take him home. He didn't do anything. He just sat there. Saying nothing, doing nothing, no giggling, just pure silence. 

One morning, i woke up as usual, got ready for yhe day, and immediately checked on Gerard. He was hardly breathing, and he wasn't awake. 

"Come on buddy, wake up." I smiled? "Bud? Gerard?" 

I pulled him out of bed and tried to shake him until he woke up.

"Gerard?! Please buddy, wake up! Don't fucking leave me now!" 

I placed my hands down on his chest and started pushing down. I pinched his nose and blew into his mouth. He wasn't responding.

"Gerard, buddy! Please! Don't you dare leave me!"

Nothing was working. I grabbed my phone and called 911. They sent an ambulance car out and told me to continue giving him CPR. 

"Is he breathing?"

"I don't think so. Please fucking hurry!" 

"Sir, please do not swear at me. We have 2 paramedics on the way."

"S-Sorry."

Gerard was still completely unconscious. His skin was pale, his mouth was stained with saliva and tears. 

2 doctors burst through the door and pushed me away. They covered his mouth with a mask and turned something on. 

I had never been so scared in my life.

haha suffer on a cliffhanger


	18. 18.

I couldnt help myself from peering into his hospital room. He was still unresponsive. I had never been so fucking terrified in my life. I felt sick with fear. 

"Mikey, its gonna be a while yet," A doctor said to me, "Go home and rest. We'll keep you updated."

"Is Gerard going to die..?"

"We...We don't know. We're getting no response from him and hes struggling to breathe. Go and get some sleep."

"I can't...I'm not leaving him here."

"Mikey...we don't think he's going to wake up."

I don't remember much after that, but i do remember everything around me spin before i hit the ground with a loud thud. 

-

I awoke in a hospital bed, much like after Gerards birthday party. But no one was there. Gerard was still in his emergency ward and Ray and Frank weren't there. 

After a few confused minutes, there was a knock on my door. A doctor came in with a dark expression. 

"Hes gone...Gerards dead..." He said after a moment of intense staring. 

"W-What..? N-No! He cant be gone!"

I tried to go combative with the doctor by tackling him to the floor and punching his face but he held me off.

"YOU LET MY BROTHER DIE! HES THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS FUCKING WORLD WHO CARES ABOUT ME AND YOU KILLED HIM!" I screamed with a mix of crying. 

《

"Mikey, wake up." I heard a voice say.

"Huh..?"

"You were dreaming. You were saying something that we killed Gerard...hes alive."

I took a deep sigh of relief.

"Your brother is a strong fighter. So what happened was we think, when the car hit him, he may have broken a few ribs. They were peircing into his lungs and it was killing him. We had him in for an emergency operation and we've fixed him up. His ribs are definitely broken so we've held them in with metal plating. Overall, he will live."

Oh thank god. I pinched myself to make sure i wasn't dreaminf.

"You can go see him now."

I slowly opened the door and saw him lying flat on his back. I walked over to the side of his bed and heard soft sniffling. 

"Hey buddy, im here now." I whispered to him, "You're going to be fine."

He reached for my hand, staring up at me with misty eyes. 

"I love you Gerard. I love you so much." 

"L-Love...you." 

I kissed the back of his trembling hand, holding it nice and tightly. He was connected to so many machines, and it made me feel so bad.

"Im sorry. I'm sorry i let the car hit you. I'm so fucking sorry." I sobbed. 

He poked my cheek and smiled at me, i missed his big grins and dorky smiles. 

"N-Noo...No cry."

"Sorry. I wish had just held onto you. I wish I hadn't been too busy with Ray to fucking hold onto your chair. Don't you fucking worry though Gee. I got the person who hit you, we'll get him arrested. You never deserved anything like this." 

I kissed the tip of his upturned pixie nose and tucked his lemon colored hair behind his little ears. At least he was alive and safe.


	19. 19.

I promised to help Gerard to walk and talk again after his dice with death. Hes scared me before, but that was by far the scariest.

"Come on Gerard. You know this one, whats this?" I said, holding up a flashcard with an elephant on. 

"El...Eleph-Elephant?"

"Yeah! Good boy! Whats this one?" I held up one with a dog.

He poked it, "Doggy!"

"You got it buddy! You're doing so good!" 

Almost a year passed since the accident, and Gerard was doing everything the doctor said he would never do. He was standing up without my help, he was now learning how to talk and he could describe a photo to me.

"Last one and then you can have some candy." I held up a card with a cat on it.

"Kitty!"

"Yeah! High five!" I put the cards down on the sofa and held my hand up. 

He weakly high fived my hand and averted his focus on the TV. It was playing an episode of Spongebob Squarepants as usual. 

I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the tub of ice cream out of the freezer. I put a few spoonfuls into a plastic bowl and Gerards special spoon in with it. His cutlerys handles were much thicker and larger so he'd have a tight grip on it. 

"M-Mikey?"

"Uh huh?"

"I l-love? Like you love Ray? I love?"

"I don't understand."

"So no love..." His eyes brimmed with tears. 

I shushed him and dried his eyes. 

"What do you mean?"

"You love Ray, yes?"

I nodded.

"I love no...No love me. I love...like you love Ray. I no love...why?"

I was a little confused. I tried to comprehend his very broken English. Maybe he wanted to be loved. Maybe he wanted a boyfriend. 

"You want someone to love..?"

"Yes. No love Gerard though.."

"Why do you think no one loves you..?"

"C-cause...i am regarded."

I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tightly. 

"No Gerard. You're not retarded. I'm sure someone loves you. You'll always have me." 

"No enough...I no love cause i am regard...you no love me c-cause...i am regard...no loves Gerard."

"Of course i love you! You're the best brother ever! Why...do you love someone?"

He sniffled and nodded. I grinned and lifted his head up to face me. He smiled and blushed.

"Who is the lucky guy?" 

"I no say. You laugh. You say 'No Gerard! He no love! You stupid!'. I not say."

"No i won't! I'll help you!"

"O-Okay...Fank."

"Frank? You love Frank Iero? Aw Gerard, thats so sweet!"

"I no chance wiv Fank. Fank no regard, I am regard. I stupid!" He hit himself in the face, "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

He started to grab his hair and pull on it, making himself yelp out in pain. I grabbed hold of his wrists and held his hands down until he calmed down. 

He did eventually calm down. My brother was in love with Frank Iero. I hated to doubt the things Gerard could and couldn't do, but surely he didn't have a chance with Frank.

I decided to tell Frank now, to save Gerard the worry and anxiety.

Hey Frank, quick question. Are you single? 

Uhm, yes?

Okay, you can't make fun of him for this, but Gerard loves you. He has a crush on you

Oh my goddd thats fucking adorable!

He said you'd say no because he thinks hes retarded

Surprise surprise, what if i said yes?

You want to go out with Gerard?

Why not? Hes sweet, hes kind and hes quite attractive 

Okay! You have to tell him though. And i don't want any creepy stuff going on between you two

Thats okay

I helped Gerard onto his feet and danced yo whatever song was playing on the radio. I held onto his hands so he wouldn't fall backwards. 

He was doing super well with his walking and talking. I was so proud of him. I had to help him walking by holding his hands, i helped him to speak with his flashcards.

Sometime later, Frank arrived at our house. I let Gerard try to walk to the door on his own. He tripped over his own feet multiple times, gripping onto the rails on the wall. I watched as he grabbed onto the door handle and opened it.

"Hey buddy! You walked here all by yourself?! You're such a big boy now!" Frank smiled.

"I big...big boy." He said quite sadly.

"Aw Gee, c'mon. Don't be sad. Y'know, i really like you."

Gerard looked up from his feet and up at Frank.

"You no love."

"I do Gerard. I really love you."

Gerard sniffled with a lopsided smile while Frank hugged him. 

"You no say...Gerard is regard?"

"No. No you're not a retard. I love you Gerard. You're so pretty."

Gerards face blushed a pale shade of pink. Frank helped Gerard to stumble back to the living room. 

"You love..?"

"Yes Gerard. I love you."

"And i love Fankie."

I suppose thats all Gerard wanted. I knew from when he was around 19, he was gay. He'd always wanted a boyfriend, and i knew he'd love Frank. They bonded so well when i first introduced them to each other. Gerard and Frank were best friends, inseparable. Gerard deserved that kind of love.


	20. 20.

Frank, Ray, Gerard and i decided to go on a double date. It wasn't like i didn't trust Frank and Gerard to go alone, im just used to being with Gerard 24/7. 

We went to Pizza Hut. I made sure Gerard dressed presentably. He was starting to learn how to dress himself too. He was doing really well, he still couldn't use the toilet judt yet, so he was still in diapers. 

"You excited for your first date?"

"Yeah! I love Fank."

"Gerard, its Frank, not Fank."

"Fr-Frank...Fankie. I no, no do it. I stupid."

"Naw, you're not stupid."

Gerard tripped over his feet a few times while walking out to the car. I held onto him from behind so he wouldn't fall. 

He struggled to fasten his seatbelt so i had to do it for him. We drove over to Franks house to pick him up first, and Gerards face went bright pink when Frank kissed his lips. 

We then drove to Rays house. He didn't live too far from us. Frank sat in the backseat with Gerard, their fingers intertwined and big smiles on their faces.

"I love." Gerard said to Frank.

"I love you too." Frank responded, holding Gerard close to his body, running his fingers through his soft, yellow hair.

"Mikey love Ray. Gerard love Fank." 

"Thats right Gee." Ray chuckled. 

"And Ray love Mikey. Fank...Fank love Gee?"

"Yeah, course i do. You're amazing." 

Gerard giggled and grabbed hold of Franks ears. Frank placed a gentle kiss on Gerards nose.

Gerard and Frank shared a half vegetarian and half pepperoni pizza, while me and Ray shared a meat feast.

Gerard had his eyes on the play corner in the restaurant. 

"You want to play, huh?" Frank asked, "C'mon princey, I'll take you."

Gerard smiled and grabbed hold of Franks shoulders. Frank supported Gerard over to the toys in the corner of the restaurant and sat him down on the carpet. 

"What do you wanna play with?"

"The kitty!" He pointed at a stuffed dog.

"Thats not kitty. Thats a doggy."

"Y'know Mikey," Ray said, reaching for another slice of pizza, "If you're worried about Gerard being more independent, you could try social media."

"And do what?"

"Youtube. Talk openly about Gerards mental issues, tell people that people in Gerards shoes can't process as much as they should. Tell them why you need to work slowly with them. It'll remind you of how difficult it is for Gerard, and how he must want to be privileged like us." 

"Thats actually a cool idea," I looked over to the corner where Frank was playing with Gerard, "I'm just worried about him and Frank being together. Frank might leave Gerard. I can't see my brother upset and just give up on his speech and mobility therapy. It took a lot of effort for him to get where he is."

"I know Mikey, but thats for Gerard to work out. Hes 28 years old now, you need to ease off of him. I'm not saying let go completely, just let him do things without you watching him like a hawk. Look how Frank is with him."

I looked over once again and saw Frank playing with rubber ducks, making duck sounds while Gerard giggled loudly.

"You're right...I just...Its always been just me and Gerard. I've never really been away from him..."

"Franks good with him. Maybe you should try the YouTube thing."

-

Gerard fell asleep in Franks arms on the way home. He carried him back to the car and let him sleep on him. I dropped Frank and Ray off at home and carried Gerard to bed. 

Perhaps Rays idea was good. Maybe i should try talk openly about my brother. It can't hurt to try.


	21. 21

Gerard loved the summer. Period. He loved to have BBQs, go swimming even though he cant swim and he just loved the sun, though he tended to get very burnt, very easy.

I helped him to dress into a plain white tank top and a pair of black shorts. 

"Fank? Fank is come here?"

"No Gee, not today. Its just us."

"Aw." He gave me a pouty lip.

"Sorry buddy. Franks busy today."

"I love Fank. I love Mikey."

"I love you too bud."

I decided to teach Gerard with his flashcards outside in the sun. We sat on the trampoline.

"Burn." Gerard groaned. 

"Oh, sorry bud. Wait here."

I returned to the trampoline to see him lying on his back and chuckling to himself. I sat him upright and smeared his face, neck, arms and legs in sunscreen.

I held up a card with a tiger on.

"Lion?" 

"Nope. Close, its a tiger. How about this?" I held up a card with a rat on it.

"Mouse."

DO YOU SEE WHY HES ADORABLE?! 

"No, rat."

Gerard grumbled and threw his head into his hands. I awed at him and patted his back.

"Don't get discouraged Gee. You can do this. I believe in you." 

"Nonono! Too stupid! I hate me! I regard!"

He began to hit himself in the face while crying and screaming. I grabbed onto his wrists and stopped him from hurting himself. I placed him to sit down on my lap and tried my best to calm him down.

"Don't hate yourself. You're-"

"NO! NO I AM FUCKING REGARD!"

"Gee calm down-"

"N-Noo...i hate me...i stupid. No brain."

"Shush Gee. Its alright."

"Why me..? Why am i dumb..?"

"No, no no no Geebear. You're not dumb. Your mind...its just a little different. But listen to me, I love you, Frank loves you."

"B-But...I know...no peoples like me. No peoples with cebebral balsy."

"Gee its okay. Its not your fault, you can't help having cerebral palsy. But look at yourself! Your doctor said you'd never speak, or walk, especially after the accident. And sure, you trip over and you stumble, and sure you struggle to speak, but who cares? You can walk and talk! You're doing everything they said you couldn't!"

I tipped Gerards chin up so he was looking at me. His eyes glazed over with tears and his nose pink and a small smile on his face. I grabbed hold of his hand and squeezed it lightly.

"Lets try again, alright? Whats this?"

"D-Doggy..?" He sniffled.

"Yeah, good boy. See? You're doing well. You got this."

He fell backwards on the trampoline and giggled. I lay down next to him and began to think how different he used to be.

He couldn't speak a word of intelligible English, he couldn't stand up at all, he dribbed everywhere. Well, he still does dribble, and his English isn't perfect, and he does need help to stand and walk, but hes so much better than he used to be. 

I still had to take his wheelchair everywhere we went, his legs get incredibly tired very quickly. He wasn't the best, and he certainly had a lot of improvement to go, but hes still my amazing brother whos defying everything the doctors told him.

We were told that Gerards defected brain was caused by our mothers horrible drug and drinking problems while she was pregnant. I got lucky, and was born with nothing more than bad eyesight and shaky knees, Gerard not so much. 

Most of his body didn't move as much as it should've. His muscles and bones were stiff or was too 'floppy' and he was never able to talk. His hands were always shaking, he couldn't eat properly.

His type of disability is called dyskinetic cerebral palsy, which means his muscles tend to either be too stiff or too floppy. 

Our mom only had me, because she didn't want to take care of Gerard. She assumed i would. And of course i did. I took care of him from a young age, and sure, i lost my friends because i was constantly with my older brother who they called 'disgusting', but Gerard was the only friend i ever needed. 

If i can remember rightly, the thing that caused my mom to finally take him to a doctor was a really bad seizure. He 'spazed out' as my mom said. We were out on a family walk when he fell face first out of his wheelchair and shivered on the floor.

He was only 6 years old. From what i remember, the diagnosis process was fairly quick. They just told us he had a brain disease called dyskinetic cerebral palsy. I remember being so scared for him. I remember asking the doctor 'Can you fix my brother?' and 'Is my brother going to die?'. I remember being so worried. 

But hey, hes alive. Hes getting better. I remember going home that night after his diagnosis, crying hysterically. I cried so much i threw up. Great. But that night, Gerard and i fell asleep on the sofa, hugging each other. I only remember this because of what my dad tells me.

Its not like my dad hates Gerard, hes just a little...distanced from him. 

Sorry, im rambling again. I bet you're bored of me, huh? 

Let me ask you something, if you ever saw Gerard on the street with me, what would you do? Would you hug him, or would you ridicule him? 

Sorry, I'll beat the fuck out of you if you ridicule my brother. 

Do you actually like Gerard? Wouldn't you just love to give him a snuggle? He gives the best hugs, for your information. 

Lots of questions to you here, but do you mind my rambling? I mean...like..do you want to know more about Gerards past? Theres some pretty bad shit down thst road. 

Well, anyway, lets get back to the present.

Gerard fell asleep on the trampoline so i carried him back inside. I lay him down on the sofa and covered him up with a blanket.

I cut up some banana and apple slices for him and put them into the fridge for when he woke up. 

"Mikeeeeeey." Gerard grumbled. 

"I'm coming Gee. Whats up?"

"I...I.." His bottom lip trembled.

"Whats up Geebear?"

"I...use my diaper. I not can go to toilet. I pee."

"You need to pee or you have peed?"

"Pee done."

I chuckled softly and lay him down on the floor. I pulled his pants and underwear down. His diaper was wet. I took it off of him and threw it in the trash. I put a clean one on him and pulled his plaid pyjama pants back up.

"How about we work on potty training you?"

"Potty? What? I no understand. I sorry." 

"You can learn how to use the bathroom and not wear these diapers!" 

"I not. Not diaper." 

"Yeah! So you need to tell me when you have to go pee, or...whats that silly word?"

"Do poop?" 

I surpressed my laugh, "Yes, when you have to go pee, or do poop. You just have to tell me and we'll go to the toilet."

"I not like do pee or poop in diaper. It embarrass Gerard. No more." 

"Alright buddy, I'll grab you some apples and banana."


	22. 22.

So im going to tell you all a bit about Gerards past. We were inseparable, best friends and brothers. 

I would love to take him on long walks into the park to feed the ducks. I'd say I've been aware of his condition since i was about 5. I had a good understanding of how delicate Gerard was and how difficult like was going to be for him.

I would spend every single night in his bedroom, reading books to him to help him sleep, cuddling him nice and tightly. It was such a calming thing to do, and i knew i was doing the good thing.

But other kids at school picked on him, a lot actually. He would be called names like Geetard the Retard, moron, and just about every form of stupid. 

I remember playing soccer in the school football field when i was around 10 years old. I would kick the ball gently over to him, i would grab his leg and make him kick the ball back. 

Well, i kicked the ball over his head and pretty far off. I started to push his chair over to get the football when one of the older kids threw it at Gerard.

I remember how loud he cried and screamed. 

One time, the teacher called on him to answer a question. It was a sub, she didn't know that Gerard had cerebral palsy. He tried to answer, but all that came out a few mumbles. She screamed so loudly at him. 

She called him retarded, brain dead and a bunch of other shit. I took him straight home. 

I so wanted to beat her up. 

I suppose the worst school experience for Gerard was the time he had a seizure in class. No one knew what to do except from me. 

People were just staring at him, some were pointing, some were even laughing. 

They had to understand that Gerard couldn't help it. He had to scream if he needed help, he would cry if he was hungry or thirsty. And people were still asses to him.

Gerard used to stare out of his bedroom window at night, i knew exactly what he was thinking. He always wished to be normal. To be privileged like myself. To be able to walk on his own, and to be able to talk. I knew that was all he wanted. 

He was always still the sweetest person ever. He would always make grabby hands for hugs, he was super easy to feed and change. 

We always knew school wasn't going to be easy for him. Ever. Dyskinetic cerebral palsy, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, he couldn't really read facial expressions but hes still the same sweet person. 

Hes still the kid who cant sleep without a lullaby, someone stroking his hair or holding his hand, and cuddling a plushie. He was the sweetest dude ever, and he was so adorable. 

But i think now, the way he is now, is much better and a hell of a lot sweeter.

"Mikey. Mikey Mikey Mikey! I am hungry." 

Thats how he'd tell me hes hungry. Whatever i made for him, he would insist that i ate some too. If i refused to eat some of his food, he'd give me his usual pouty lip and would cry. 

i didn't like Gerard crying, so i would eat some. After eating, he would watch TV, play with his toys or nap. 

And once again, im rambling. Gotta stop doing that. 

Gerard banged two wooden blocks painted red together, making a very annoying and loud sound. I crouched down to his height and took the blocks out of his hand. 

He looked up at me with his big green eyes and an expression of sadness and confusion.

"You...take my bocks?"

"Watch."

I stacked the two blocks up and tipped the box of them onto the floor.

"Now your turn." I placed a blue block into his hand. 

He reached for the top of the tower and placed the blue block on. He sat back with his mouth hung open. I placed another block on top of that. 

"You did it buddy!" I smiled. 

He applauded himself while giggling, and he moved his foot slightly. He accidentally knocked the tower over his foot.

"Oh...i broke." 

"No, watch me."

I stacked the blocks back up and made sure his foot was tucked away from the tower.

"Mikey is fix! I love my bocks." 

He yawned and rubbed his eyes. I knocked the tower over and put the blocks away. 

"Someones getting sleepy."

"Noo. Mikey sleep. Gerard put Mikey bed." 

"Okay Gee, you can put me to bed." 

Gerard made me change into my pyjamas and pushed me down onto my bed. He covered me up with the blanket with a determined look on his face.

"I read. You wait." 

He stumbled to his bedroom and came back with one of his books. He sat down on my bed and showed me the pictures in the book.

"Is...Is dog...and kitty." He tried his hardest to read it, but he couldn't, at all.

"Gee-"

"No Mikey. You sleep. Shush. I...I not read..i not can read.." 

"I know Gee. Its alright."

"I sing. I sing to Mikey to sleep."

He started to sing a very broken English version of Starman. I awed at him. He scooted up into my bed next to me and cuddled up to me. We both snuggled each other until he fell asleep, and then i fell asleep not long after.


	23. 23.

I suppose I've always been like a father figure to Gerard. And yes, i do want to have my own kids, but whos gonna be there for Gerard? I would love to be a dad, and a husband, but being away from Gerard makes me so upset. 

Would Gerard have to move in with Frank when i decide to settle down? Is that really a good idea? Do i even trust Frank? I'm a fucking nervous wreck. 

I do genuinely love Ray, and i do want to settle down with him, but i need to find somewhere for Gerard to go. 

"Mikey, i booked us a table at a restaurant for 7 tonight!" Ray smiled after greeting me with a hug. 

"I can't go. Gerard."

"Fucks sake Mikey, we never get to be together. Can't you just drop him off at Franks for tonight?"

"...Suppose..." 

Gerard stumbled his way into the living room after taking a nap. He immediately ran into my arms and started to cry.

"Hey buddy, whats wrong?"

"I nightmare."

I lifted him up into my arms and helped him to wrap his legs around my waist. He buried his face into my neck.

"Mikey." Ray grumbled.

"Ray you know i have to look after Gerard. You knew it. If you have a problem then just...break up with me, see if i care." 

"Mikey, baby, i don't want to break up with you. I just want to go on a date with only you. C'mon, Frank takes good care of Gerard." 

Gerard held onto my neck tighter and tried to stop sniffling. I patted his back and shushed him. 

I eventually agreed and took Gerard out to Franks home. He was very excited to see his boyfriend again. When he saw Frank standing outside of the door, he ran into his arms and hugged him tightly. 

"We better go. We have reservations." I said to Frank.

"Alright. See you later you two." Frank responded while Gerard clung to his side. 

I wasn't totally comfortable with leaving him with Frank, but they both loved each other, a lot. It was nice to finally get some alone time with my boyfriend.

Ray and i went to an Italian restaurant. I felt like a total jerk to not trust Frank with Gerard. 

"Mikey, sweetheart, you're really distracted." Ray said to me.

"Sorry. I feel awful. I didn't want to leave Gerard with Frank...i didn't trust Frank. C'mon Ray, Gerards like the perfect victim for everything. He won't run away, he'll do anything you tell him to."

"Things are different now. Gerards changed a lot. Hes so much more independent than what he was."

"But...Have you ever thought about our future..?"

"I have. I could see us moving out of your house."

"And what about Gerard? What if Frank doesn't want him anymore?"

"...We'd have to take him in again..I don't mind that. But i think someone hasn't been taking their anxiety meds. You're overthinking."

"But Ray...what about us and having a family? We can't if Gerards still with us."

"Why not? Hes a nice dude, and for all we know, Frank might want to move Gerard in with him."

I thought about it for a moment, "Do you even want to have a family..?"

"Of course i do! Come on, your foods getting cold."

We both finished our meals and skipped desert. Crowds. Huge crowds. I can't deal with crowds of people all around me. 

I felt my forehead go damp with sweat, i felt sick amd dizzy. I felt like i was going to pass out. I grabbed a paper napkin to dry the sweat from my forehead while i took deep breaths. Ray had noticed and held onto my hand.

"You're fine Mikey." 

"Ray..." I began to cry, "If we move in together...do i have to leave Gerard? Its always been me and Gerard, all our lives. I can't give it up now! Look how well I've taken care of him!" 

"Its best for us Mikey. I love Gerard, hes the sweetest person ever...but its best for us. And Frank wants Gerard to move in with him eventually. He said that himself." 

"He wants to live with Gerard? Ray, am i the bad guy here? Am i bad for thinking that...Frank...doesn't actually like Gerard? Come on Ray! Gerard can't speak properly! He cant walk without falling over, hes just...well..."

"I get that Mikey. I really do. You're scared Gerards gonna get hurt. Trust me though, Frank really does love Gerard. He promised to take good care of him. Don't worry."

"What if Frank is lying?"

"Mikes, listen to me. He loves Gerard with all of his heart. Frank buys Gerard his toys, hes understanding that when they're in public, Gerard has to be on a leash-"

"Dont say leash. Hes not a dog." 

Ray chuckled, "Sorry babe, but Frank really does love Gerard. Hes so understanding."

We continued to talk about Gerard and Franks relationship, and then our own. We talked about moving out, or even move next door from Gerard so i didn't get upset without him. 

Ray suddenly got down on one knee. 

"Mikey...i know you have a really strong bond with Gerard, and you're a bit scared to leave him, but i really love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, i want to have our own house together. With or withour Gerard. Mikey, you make me so happy, and I've never loved someone as much as i love you," He pulled out a box from his pocket, opening it to reveal a beautiful ring, "Michael James Way, will you marry me?"

I stayed silent for a moment. My heart was beginning to pound. And then my emotions took over.

"YES! YES OF COURSE I WILL MARRY YOU!" I screamed.

He smiled widely and slipped the ring onto my finger. He pressed his lips against my own.


	24. 24.

I dropped Ray off at his house and drove to Franks. Frank said Gerard wanted to stay over at his house. I wanted to say goodnight to him in person. 

I opened the front door to Franks house and heard the TV playing the movie Up quietly. I walked into the living room and was immediately shushed by Frank. 

Frank was lying on the sofa with Gerard, his arm over Gerards waist and holding his hand. Gerard was snoring softly. 

"Hes been sleeping for an hour or so." Frank whispered. 

"Why don't you carry him to bed?"

"I don't want to disturb him. Hes been playing with rubber ducks all night. Hes eaten his food and hes taken his meds."

"Do you want me to carry him up to bed? He might fall off the sofa."

"Yeah, im gonna hit the hay too." 

I lifted Gerard bridal style and carried him up the stairs to Franks bedroom. I couldn't believe my eyes.

Frank had bought the same safety rail i had on Gerards bed at home, and it was really expensive, there was a blanket on Gerards side, the same on Gerard loved the snuggle with at night, or when he was sad. There was even a pile of stuffed animals in the corner and a stack of childrens books on the bedside table.

I tucked Gerard into his side while Frank changed into a baggy shirt and shorts in the bathroom. Gerard remained blissfully asleep.

"Christ, Frank. What did you do to him? He hasn't moved once." I laughed but quietly.

"Warm milk. I might be lactose intolerant, but i read that warm milk can help you to sleep. He was quite hyper earlier, so i settled him down with some warm milk and cookies. We read a book and he fell asleep so i left him to sleep on the sofa. Hope thats okay."

"Yeah, he loves cookies."

"God, i know. He ate like, 3, and got mad at me. I settled him down though. He is not one to refuse a cuddle."

"Definitely not." 

Frank climbed into bed after pulling the safety rail up. He pulled Gerard closer to his body and placed a gentle kiss on the back of his yellow mess of hair. 

"I'll leave you two. See you tomorrow."

"Bye Mikey."

sorry its short


	25. 25.

Its probably time to let Gerard go. I did everything for him. Hes independant, he has a basic grasp on English, he can kind of walk, he knows how to push his own wheelchair. 

I can't help but think that Gerard is ready to leave. The instagram photos of him and Frank, the fact that im now engaged to Ray, why wouldn't Gerard leave?

Frank wants Gerard. He told Ray that he wanted Gerard to move in with him, and that he'd promise to look after him. 

Id miss him. Oh hell, id be lost without him. Hes everything to me. I understand though, Frank is good with him. He gives Gerard his meds the same way i give them to him, he knows what to do if Gerard chokes, or has a seizure. 

"Mikey...can we talk?" Frank asked. 

"Sure."

Gerard was taking a nap upstairs, so we had to be quiet. 

"Do you think...one day...Gerard could move in with me? I know you and Ray are eager to get settled down, and i am fully ready to take care of Gerard, permanently."

"I guess. Gerard is non stop talking about you."

No, seriously. Gerard NEVER stops talking about Frank. Its always Fank is boyfriend and I love Fank so much! Its adorable.

"Really? Aw, hes so precious! Well, if i did move with Gerard, do you think i should move here? Its perfect for Gerard obviously. You and Ray could move into my house. Theres enough room for both of you there, and if you do decide to adopt, its perfect."

"Thats a cool idea! We should totally do it!"

Frank smiled, "Does...Gerard understand proposals?"

"..You're going to propose..?''

"Well...i want to, but your tone is freaking me out a little."

I chuckled, "Sorry. I explained that Ray proposed to me, and he understood that i guess."

"So you'll let me propose?"

I thought about it for a moment. Gerard might freak out and get scared. He might change his mind on Frank. I'd love to see my big brother get married. 

After everything that happened to him, I'd love to see his wedding. 

"Definitely. Just wait until mine and Rays wedding. It'd be too confusing for him."

Frank dived into my arms. He hugged me so tightly, i could barely breathe.

"But if you hurt my brother, i will rip your balls off." I said.

"I wont. I promise." 

I heard the shuffling of Gerards bunny slippers against the wooden floor. He immediately stumbled to Frank, grabbing onto his body and pulling himself towards him. 

"Hello prince!" Frank cooed, "You had a good sleep?"

"Uh huh! I dream Fankie and Gerard has lots of cuddles and kissies!" 

"But thats not a dream."

"It not?"

"Nope!" Frank lifted Gerard up into his arms, wrapping his legs around his hips so he didnt drop Gerard. He smothered his face in kisses which made Gerard giggle a lot. 

He sat Gerard down on the rug and began to tickle him, making Gerard scream with laughter. He pulled Gerards shirt up and blew raspberries against his chubby, pale tummy.

"Ew! Spit!" Gerard shouted in between hysterical laughter. 

He tickled all over Gerard, his neck, his armpits and his hips. He took his bunny slippers off and threw them to the side to tickle Gerards feet. 

Gerard was now rolling on the floor, crying with laughter. His face was bright red and the corners of his mouth were curved into a huge, toothy smile. His big, green eyes were squinted because of how much he was laughing and smiling. 

"I LOVE FRANKIE!" Gerard screamed out while laughing. 

"I love you too! Thats enough now, lets do some phonics."

Frank grabbed a book i had left in the drawer. Gerard sat on Franks lap and looked at the pictures and completely ignored the words.

"Say it Gerard." Frank said, pointing it at a word, "We can look at the pictures after."

"Oh...i sorry. It say The doggy barked at the kitty. Aw, why doggy bark at kitty? Naughty doggy!"

"Carry on Gee."

"Okay. Kitty said 'Meow, don't bark at me! I want to be fr-free-fr-"

"What is it Gee? Spell it."

"F...R...I...E...N...D...S."

"Whats the word?"

"Free-ends."

"No, its friends."

I chuckled. I was exhausted, so i kissed Gerards temple and took a nap on the other sofa.


	26. 26.

The date was set. Mine and Rays wedding was in a few months. I had picked out a nice tux to rent since i couldn't afford to buy it. We decided Gerard would be my best man, and Frank would be Rays.

I had to practice with Gerard. He would have to walk with me down the aisle, stand perfectly still holding Rays wedding ring. He had incredibly shaky hands so i knew i had to help him. 

"Okay, walk from here to the door without holding on to anything." I said after helping Gerard to his feet.

He shakily put one foot in front of the other and began to stumble to the door. He accidentally stepped on his untied shoelace and fell face first to the floor. 

I immediately got to his side and knealed down to him while he cried on the floor. 

"You're fine Gerard. You don't have to do this."

"N-No! Mikey help Gerard, Gerard best man to Mikey. I good boy."

"Yes, you're a very good boy! Lets get you back up. Hold onto this bottle cap very tightly." I placed a soda bottle top into his left hand.

He stood back up and shakily reached to give me the cap. I smiled and gratefully took it.

"Good boy." 

"I see Fank? I want cuddles, kissies and tickles. Fank give good cuddles." 

I gently stroked his soft, pale cheek. He grabbed hold of me and cuddled me. I complied and hugged him back.

"Whats this for Gee?"

"I happy. I happy Mikey and Ray marry. How you say? Um, it is congratulations?"

"Thats right buddy. Thank you!"

Gerard settled down with a bowl of strawberry yoghurt. He was an odd dude to watch while he ate, especially foods like yoghurts. He'd bite on the spoon, and chew the yoghurt. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and assumed he was being cautious so he didnt choke. 

Well, he finds his ways.

He began to cough and hit his chest. I began to smack his back to help him. He coughed out a small stream of yoghurt into my hand. 

Oh, did i mention that on top of learning how to speak and walk, hes now fully potty trained? Well...i say 'fully', but he needs help...

As in he has to tell someone he needs the bathroom, and he will REFUSE to do his...y'know...business...unless someone holds his hand. 

Its...well...awkward, but i don't care. 

"M-Mikey...What wrong wiv me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why am i...stupid? Why no one love?"

"Buddy, i love you, Frank loves you more than anyone in this world. Well, you have a disability called cerebral palsy, you have autism too. You have a mental disorder called dysphasia, which is because of when you hurt your head. You're dyslexic, and you have mild tourettes."

He looked down at his feet while picking at his fingernails, "Regard."

"Stop that Gerard. You're not a retard. You can't help being the way you are."

"Fucking regard. Geetard the Retard."

"Gerard Way, i will not let you talk about yourself like that! Ignore what Bob said about you. You're absolutely perfect. Frank loves you, i love you, it doesn't matter how your brain functions. It just takes a little longer for your brain to process things." 

He began to hit his head with his hands, while mumbling 'Retard' under his breath. I grabbed his wrists and stopped him from hurting himself. 

"I love you Gerard. I love you even if you have a few mental challenges."

"Fank...Fank no love..." He sniffled and began to weep, "No one love me. I'm retard. No one...Gerard die lone."

"No, don't you dare talk like that. You are going to have the most amazing life with Frank."

Hey, here's another question for you all. Do you love Gerard? Don't you think hes the most precious thing ever? 

This is totally not the writer trying to get an opinion on a character shh.

"Let me call Frank. He'll tell you he loves you." 

I grabbed my phone and facetimed Frank.

"Hey Mikey! Oh my god, Gerard! Baby why are you crying!?"

"You no love..."

"Yes i do Gee! You're my beautiful baby boy, and you mean the world to me! I love you!"

Gerard wiped his tears off of his puffy eyes, "I love too." 

Frank blew a kiss to Gerard. Gerard pretended to catch it and kissed his hand. 

"I love Fankie. Lots and lots."


	27. 27.

My wedding day has finally arrived. I knew today would be absolutely perfect. I hadn't seen Ray at all today, and i had to focus on Gerard, as always. He still couldn't walk in a straight line, and his hands were still shaky, but he promised he'd try his best. 

My dad was coming to the wedding, my mom chose not to go. He helped me to get ready, and i helped Gerard.

I cut Gerards hair even shorter again, and dyed it black. He wore a rented tux too. He looked very smart and nice. 

I was so nervous, i felt so dizzy with fear. What if Ray just walked out? What if Ray didn't want to marry me? I was terrified. 

"You nice, i nice." Gerard said, pointing at my outfit, and then at his.

"Thats right bud. You remember what to do, right?"

"Uh...walk wiv Mikey, give ring to Mikey, yes?"

"When do you give me the ring?"

"After you say to Ray, yes?"

"Good boy. You look very nice."

"You nice. Nice too. Uhm...Mikey?"

"Yeah buddy?"

"You fink....Gerard marry..? Gerard marry Fankie? Like Mikey marry Ray, Gerard and Fankie marry?"

I smiled and ruffled his hair up, and gave him a little nod. Frank would soon propose to Gerard, and i was so excited for that.

"Rays waiting now, come on Mikey. Oh, hello Gerard!" My dad said, "I haven't seen you in a while! Lets go you two." 

I linked arms with my dad after he fixed my bow tie. Gerard walked slowly behind us, stumbling and grabbing onto the wall.

"Wait." I said, "I brought something to help you Gee." 

I ran back to the changing room and grabbed a wooden walking cane. I told Gerard how to walk with it, took a deep breath, and entered the church room. 

I saw Ray smiling at me, Frank stood to the side of him, and all our friends and family sat in their seats. Music was playing faintly in the back. I walked down the aisle with my dad until he left to his seat.

"Thanks dad." I said, my voice wavering with tears.

I grabbed hold of Gerards free hand and made him stand not too far away from me. The priest passed him the ring and told him to hold onto it.

"We are gathered here today for the love that Ray Toro and Michael Way share with each other. Very soon, these two lovely men with be bound together by their love, forever. Ray, would you likento say your vows first?"

"Yeah...uhm...Mikey, when i saw you for the first time, when you had that...episode...at the side of the road, i knew I would have some kind of bond with you. I felt something special, i knew you were the one for me. I used to think that i would never get a wedding day, because no one would want me. But i was wrong, because i found you. I will never be as happy with anyone else, as i am with you." He received the ring from Frank and slipped it onto my finger.

"Now Mikey, your vows."

I rook the ring from Gerard, who was smiling widely, "Ray...i usually know exactly what to say, but right now...i can't find the words. I guess you take my breath away, you overwhelmed me, in a good way. If i can't express how i feel right now...i promise i will spend the rest of my life, showing you how much i love you." I grabbed hold of his left hand and slid the ring onto his finger.

We held hands and smiled at each other for a moment, my heart feeling as if it would explode.

"Do you Michael James Way, take Ray to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

"Do you Raymond Toro, take Mikey to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do."

"Then by the power invested in me, i now pronounce you husband and husband, you may kiss."

Ray grabbed hold of my body and pressed his lips against mine. I heard Gerard clapping loudly, everyone cheering out. We held hands and walked back down the aisle. Frank and Gerard did the same thing.

That was by far, the best day of my life.


	28. 28.

I cried, a lot. I cried while i began to pack my things. I cried while Gerard clung to my side, telling me he didn't want me to leave. I cried when i called for a moving van. Today was the day i moved into Franks house with Ray, and Frank moved into my house.

"Please Mikey! No leave!"

"Buddy, you're all grown up! Frank wants to live with you, and me and Ray want to move in together. Don't make me cry again." 

"B-But you still visit Gerard? You still give Gerard hugs?"

"Of course i will. I'll see you everyday on facetime, I'll visit every weekend." 

"Before Mikey go, Gerard give present?"

"Sure buddy."

He grabbed my hands and made me cover my eyes. I heard him search through his drawers and place a few things onto my lap. 

"Open."

I uncovered my eyes and looked at the things he'd put on my knee. The first thing was the sweater that was originally mine. 

"You like, i like, your sweater."

The second thing was a very old picture of us. It was when Gerard was around 9, meaning i was about 7. It was at school picture day. 

"I draw. I draw Mikey pictures."

The last thing was a hand drawn picture. It had 4 stick men on, one in a wheelchair. The one in the wheelchair was drawn in blue crayon, labelled Geard, the one next to it was in pink crayon with Micey written above it, next to that was one in brown crayon called Rae and the final was in red, with lots of tiny love hearts around it, labelled Fank. 

That was the final straw. I broke down while holding onto the things Gerard had given to me. He put the things onto the floor and hugged me.

"Mikey no cry, make Gerard cry." 

"Im gonna miss you buddy." 

"Gerard miss Mikey too." 

I put the things from Gerard safely into one of the moving boxes and put it into the van. All of my bedroom had been cleared out and i was ready to leave. 

Franks van had arrived and they were beginning to carry everything inside. Both Frank amd Gerard hugged me tightly.

"Look after him Frank." I said between sobs.

"Don't worry," Frank said, putting his arm around Gerard who had a little smile on his face, "Hes gonna be fine."

I got into Rays car and waved goodbye to Gerard. He took off and followed behind the moving van to Franks. Gerards face was bright red and tears were pouring down his face. 

It broke my heart as he disappeared out of view. But it was best. Best for me and Ray to settle down, and best for Frank and Gerard to do the same. 

Moving mine and Rays stuff into Franks old house was the worst thing ever. By the end, we both stunk of sweat and desperatly needed showers. 

"How you doing Mikes?" Ray asked.

"I'm actually great. I know this is what Frank wanted, what we wanted, and im sure Gerard will be happy soon. Go take a shower."

"Okay baby. Tell me if you're upset though."

I walked into mine and Rays bedroom and set Gerards sweater on the armchair. I had framed the photo of us and put it on my bedside table, and hung the drawn photo on the wall. 

My phone began to vibrate in my pocket so i answered. 

"Hey Frank." I said, "Wheres Gerard?"

"Hes sitting at the door. Hes waiting for you to come back."

My heart hurt, "Really..?"

"Yeah. He said he won't move until you come home. I told him that you wanted to be with Ray, and that i wanted to be with him. Hes been crying since you left."

I listened to Gerards gentle sobs in the background. I really missed him.

"Let me see him."

Frank handed the phone to Gerard who had puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

"Hey buddy! Are you okay?"

"When Mikey come home?"

"Gee...i told you already. I moved in with Ray. You moved with Frankie." 

"But Gerard miss Mikey.."

"I miss you too buddy. Don't worry, I'll see you very soon." 

"I see Mikey in Dreamland?"

"Thats right bud. I'll be waiting for you there." 

He started to smile. Frank playfully tackled him and started tickling him again, making him scream with laughter. 

"Okay, im gonna go make some snacks, we'll talk tomorrow." Frank said.

"Okay, bye Gerard!"

"Bye bye!"


	29. 29.

Things had completely settled down. Ray and i were happily married, while filling out adoption papers for a baby girl. Frank was working up courage to ask Gerard to marry him, it was all so well.

I still saw Gerard every weekend for a game and movie night. Ray and i now have an adopted daughter we named Kennedy. Gerard loved her a lot. 

Frank was struggling to work up the bravery to propose, so i had to remind him that Gerard would obviously say yes. Gerard had literally no idea what proposals are, but he knows marrying.

I sat on the sofa next to Gerard while he had Kennedy safely in his arms. 

"She cute." Gerard said, "I love baby."

"You like babies? Aw, thats really sweet Gee."

He leant over and kissed the sleeping babys forehead. She began to cry, so Gerard panicked by passing her back to me and shuffling away.

"Its alright Gee. Shes just hungry." I reassured him. 

"She not like Gerard." He chuckled. 

"She does. Don't worry." 

Ray walked to the kitchen and warmed up a bottle of milk for Kennedy. I saw that Frank was holding onto the ring box tightly. 

I gestured for him to do it, but he bit his lip and messed with the lip ring. Ray fed Kennedy while i spoke with Frank.

"Just do it Frank. Gerard will say yes."

"I know...its just scary."

"You're scared of a 28 year old man who can barely walk and talk. Whats the worst thats gonna happen?"

"You're right. Okay. I'm gonna do it."

We put Kennedy back into her stroller to sleep so Frank could propose. I told Gerard to stand up in front of Frank. 

"Gerard...i really, really love you, okay? I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I can't imagine being without you. Gerard, will you marry me?"

"Marry? Frank want to marry Gerard?"

"Yes."

"Oh yes! Gerard want to marry Frank! I love!"

Frank scooped Gerard into his arms and kissed all over his face. He gently pushed the ring onto Gerards finger and the rest of the night was endless wedding talk.

They wanted a big wedding, and i thought it would be amazing too. Gerard deserved it. He had been through far too much. He didn't deserve anything bad that happened to him, he deserved to be happy.

"Gerard doesn't like vanilla cake." I said.

"Ewww! Banilla yucky! I like chocolate!"

"So a chocolate wedding cake? That sounds really good." Frank smiled.

"Me and Frankie. Marry Frankie. Gerard   
Eye-ro?"

"Oh yeah! Would it be Way or Iero?"

"Hyphenate!" Ray suggested.

"Way-Iero, or Iero-Way?"

"We did alphabetical order, so Toro-Way. I think you should do Iero-Way." I said.

Frank looked at Gerard, who was coloring in a childrens coloring book, "You like that? Iero-Way?"

"Yeah! Gerard Iero-Way! I like! Frankie like my coloring?"

Frank took the book out of Gerards hands and flicked through a few pages. I took a few glimpses at it, all of the crayon and felt tip coloring was out of the lines. 

"Oh, i love them Gerard! You're so talented!" Frank said.

"Frankie do color!" Gerard squealed, passing him a box of Crayola crayons and giving him a handful of felt tip pens.

Frank started to show Gerard how to color inside the lines. It was sweet. Despite how young Gerards mind was, and how he acted like a toddler, Frank was so in love with him. 

I'm not kidding. Gerard was the 28 year old equivalent of a toddler. He had just learnt how to go to the bathroom on his own, he talked like a baby, and he couldn't do a lot on his own. 

"Color inside the lines, like this." Frank continued to color with a blue crayon in Gerards book. 

"I marry Frankie. I happy."


	30. 30.

Gerards big day had finally arrived. I was so excited for him.

"No, Gee you can't wear jeans and a Misfits shirt to your wedding!" I laughed.

Gerard blew raspberries at me. I helped him to button up his white shirt while trying not to get emotional. I eventually did while tying his bow tie.

"Why Mikey cry..?"

"I'm very happy buddy."

"You happy. Why you cry if you happy?"

"Well, sometimes, we can be so happy that we can cry. I'm so happy for you and Frank. I can't believe you're getting married."

Gerard accidentally, but aggressively, tried to wipe the tears from my eyes with his thumbs, but ended up poking me in the eyes.

"Ow!"

"Oh no! Mikey i sorry! I no mean hurt! I sorry.."

"Its alright Gerard."

He did the exact same thing i did when he got hurt, pretend to sprinkle 'no more hurt dust' on my eyes. I wasn't mad, obviously, i knew Gerard had very little control of his arms, they often moved far too quickly and roughly, he struggled to move slowly.

"I get marry to Frankie! I happy Mikey!"

"Im happy too Gee."

I sat him in front of the mirror and styled his short, black hair. I noticed he was biting his bottom lip and picking at his fingernails. 

"Whats up buddy?"

"I feel. Not scare. I happy, but i scare."

"You're nervous? Gee theres nothing to worry about! Frank loves you. You got those wedding jitters, huh? I felt like this when i married Ray, but y'know, it was rhe best day of my life."

He took a deep breath and nodded, "I okay. I not have to cry. So Gerard not cry, and Mikey no cry, good, yes? Frank no cry, no?"

"I won't cry, you won't cry, but Frank might. You mean so much to him. He loves you, way more than you could imagine."

"Like Gerard love Mikey." He said, leaning his head back and smiling at me. 

I kissed his forehead, "I love you too. C'mon buddy, Franks waiting for you."

Gerard was very unsteady on his feet. He tripped over a lot, he couldn't walk in a straight line. I knew this was not going to end well. 

I linked arms with him and held onto his waist for support. We turned the corner to the church room. It was decorated nicely, Franks friends and family to one side of the pews, and our family and friends. 

It was blatantly obvious that Franks friends were whispering about Gerard while he stumbled down the aisle. Frank was stood with his hands cupped together, a happy grin on his face. 

"Hes struggling a little." I quickly whispered to Frank.

I stood behind Gerard to hold him upright. All of Franks friends were staring at Gerard with judgemental expressions. I could feel Gerards rapid heartbeat against my hands. 

The poor boy was terrified. He was sweating so much too. I quietly tried to shush him by holding him close to me. 

"We are gathered here today to mark a special day in Frank Ieros, and Gerard Ways lives. Frank, would you like to say your vows first?"

Frank smiled and nodded at Gerard, who was sobbing quietly, "Gerard, when we first met, i remember you were still stuck in that wheelchair. Its been amazing to watch you overcome all of those obstacles and bumps in the road for you to become the amazing, beautiful person you are now. I love you with all i am, and i know how much i will continue to love you after this day. You mean the absolute world to me, and i want to spend every second with you."

I grabbed hold of Gerards wrist and held it in front of Frank to put the ring on.

"Gerard, your vows? If Mikey is going to say them, then go ahead." The priest said.

I cleared my throat, "When Gerard first met you Frank, he used to say that you were his best friend. Gerard knew he loved you, but he could never tell you. Not because of his disability, but he was worried that you'd laugh at him. Now he knows he was wrong to be worried about that. Gerard is deeply in love with you Frank, and he loves to be with you every day."

Gerard took the ring from my hands. His hand trembled while he tried to put the ring on Franks finger. He was beginning to sob, since he was having so much trouble.

The ring slipped out of his fingers and fell to the floor. He struggled to safely bend down and reach, so he fell over and down the little steps leading to the altar. He immediately began to wail. Franks friends were laughing while Frank comforted him by holding him and shushing him.

"I suggest you all shut your fucking mouths. If you had any decency, or called me a friend, you wouldn't laugh at the man i love, and choose to marry. One more laugh, even so much as a snicker, and i will beat the shit out of all of you!" Frank shouted. 

I grabbed the ring off of the floor and once again, gave it to Gerard. I held onto his shaky hand and directed the ring to Franks finger. It slipped on with ease with my help. 

"Thank you. Do you want a tissue Gerard?" The priest asked.

Gerard nodded and took the tissue. He dried his eyes and looked back at Frank. 

"Beautiful. By the power invested in me, i now pronounce you husband and husband. You may now kiss."

Gerard fell into Franks arms as both of their lips collided. I cheered and clapped, louder than anyone else. Ray was stood next to me, cheering loudly too. 

Frank and Gerard signed paperwork and linked their arms. They walked down the aisle together, followed by me and Ray. 

"I'm so proud of you Gerard   
Iero-Way." I said to him.

He giggled, "I love you Mikey." He grabbed hold of me and hugged me.

I smiled with tears fogging my vision while i hugged him back, "I love you too."

The end.

i fucking LOVED writing this. i hope  
you enjoyed reading it too. 

the main inspiration behind this book was my best friend and her little sister. her sister has dyskinetic cerebral palsy, and much like this book, they both have a really good bond together, and they're both very sweet, down to Earth people. 

thanks for reading :)


End file.
